I Played Basketball Yesterday And Now My Nipples Are Really Sore And If This Is What Getting Old Means Fuck This Shit

I am not one of those adult-aged people who complains about adulting and other things adult-aged people are expected to do as adult-aged people. Because no one wants to hear that shit. Yes, going to work every day is hard and shit. But work is hard for everyone. Saying you hate work because its hard is like saying you…

"Return of The Mack" Is The Best Song Ever That Nobody Acknowledges Is The Best Song Ever

There’s no need to parse words here: “Return of the Mack” is easily one of the best songs ever created in the history of the planet. Sure, it’s no “Moonlight Sonata”, but “Moonlight Sonata” is no “As”, feel me? But far and wide, nobody wants to put the proper ‘speck on “Return…” Well that changes today.
Today, church,…

Five Perfectly Practical Reasons Why Y'all Need To Stop Inviting Every Random-Ass White Person To The Cookout

Invariably, as the controversy over Bill Maher's house nigga continues to persist, a peripheral conversation about Maher's mythical cookout-invitee status has occurred. According to some of y'all—and by "some of y'all" I really mean "some of y'all"—Maher has done enough in his career to warrant enough of a benefit of…

I'm Scared That My Hundreds Of Unanswered Emails, Facebook Messages, And Texts Will Come To Life One Day, Band Together, And Kill Me

The 100,000 word first draft of my book is due in September. (I'm currently a little over 60k.) Writing the book has caused my digital output to decrease quite a bit, but I'm still working; managing VSB, writing and editing pieces for VSB, and writing pieces for GQ, Slate, and The Root. I'm also a husband. And a…