president
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The Caucasian Candidate’s Guide to Black Voters
So you want to be president. In America, reaching the pinnacle of any career doesn’t usually require the consent or approval of black people. In fact, it is possible to lead one of the most profitable companies in America; govern the state of Alabama; determine whether or not America has talent or run a sports…
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Trump Tweeted Over 100 Times Sunday Because He Didn’t Have Cheerleading Practice
With the holidays on the horizon and school winding down to a snail’s pace, the president of the United States sits alone in his sleeping coffin wearing cozy PJs and messaging with Rep. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) about which GOP boys think he’s cute. Unfortunately, this Sunday it was Graham’s turn to work the president’s slaughterhouse,…
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Speaker Nancy Pelosi Says Trump ‘Leaves Us No Choice But to Act’ on Impeachment
And so it begins. On Thursday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced that she’s asked that articles of impeachment be drafted against President I Did That Shit. Sure impeachment without removal from office is about as damaging as a public indecency charge from 1994; it’s not going to really do anything but it’s embarrassing if it…
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Trump Offers ‘Isis Fighters’ to French President Because He Just Can’t Stop Being a Global Embarrassment
American albatross and the president of people who believe in UFOs sat across from the president of France—a real president—who continuously embarrassed Trump in a tense meeting that the U.S. president made tense by being an asshole. During the sideline NATO meeting Tuesday, Trump did the condescending asshole-y thing he does where he offered the…
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Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish: Trump Bids Adieu to Longtime Hometown; New York Political Heavyweights Rejoice
Poor POTUS done up and abandoned his longtime hometown. But no one in power there seems to be shedding any white tears about his duplicitous departure. As a matter of fact, soon after The New York Times broke the news of how Donald John officially changed his residency from New York City to Palm Beach…
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Weekend At Bernie’s: Sanders Tells Black Student to ‘Respect’ Police to Avoid Getting ‘Shot in the Back of the Head’
Bernie Sanders has all the answers. The almost octogenarian presidential hopeful showed up and showed out during a question-and-answer session at a forum held at the HBCU Benedict College on Saturday. When a black male student asked Sanders how he should handle getting pulled over by a police officer, Sanders responded: “respect what they are…
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Trump Announces Death of Islamic State Leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi
Rise and Shine! AmeriKKKa’s favorite president broke into our Sunday morning television airwaves today to unveil the “big surprise” he teased Saturday night on his favorite communication platform: Twitter. Within the 9th hour of the Day the Lawd made, Poor POTUS announced that he—as the “commander in chief” gave direct orders to kill a person…
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Trump’s Personal Assistant Resigns Because She Couldn’t Stop Flossin’ and Spilling Tea
A white woman with arguably the whitest name ever is no longer working in the Whitest House after reports that she shared some inner secrets about the president’s family with reporters. According to Politico, Madeleine Westerhout, of the New England Westerhouts (I have no idea if there is Westerhout lineage in New England, but it…
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Yes, the President Patted His Leg for Melania to Walk to Him Like a Dog and Let’s Stop Acting Surprised
If we were going to encapsulate the president’s presidency in one moment, it would be a split screen of him placing his McDonald’s order on one side and him admitting to grabbing unsuspecting women by their genitalia on the other. Fine, that’s two moments, but let’s break them down, shall we? Nothing says I’m a…