president donald trump
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Trump Is Big Mad Because the FBI Raided His Attorney’s Office
On Monday, agents from the FBI searched the home, office and New York City hotel room of Michael Cohen—Donald Trump’s longtime attorney—and the president didn’t like it one bit. The Wall Street Journal reports that the records seized from Cohen include those related to payments made to adult-film actress Stormy Daniels. The best part? The…
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Donald Trump Won’t Take His Foot Off Jeff Sessions’ Neck
I’ll bet every morning, Jeff Sessions slaps at his alarm and curses it until it finally stops going off. He probably lies there for a few more minutes, his arm flung over his eyes in an attempt to block out any light. If he pretends it’s not morning again, it won’t be, and he can…
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Police Shooting and Killing Black Men? It’s Not the White House’s Problem, Sarah Huckabee Sanders Says
On March 18, two police officers in Sacramento, Calif., shot and killed 22-year-old Stephon Clark in the backyard of his grandparents’ home. It is not the first extrajudicial execution of a black man by police, and if there is no change soon, it likely won’t be the last. The nation is watching the aftermath of…
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President Pussy Grabber Wants to Bring Alleged Domestic Abuser Back to the White House: Report
The president of the United States never wanted White House staff secretary Rob Porter to leave the White House. Didn’t matter that at the time of Porter’s resignation, he was facing two allegations that he’d abused two former wives. Didn’t matter that the White House knew about these allegations before the women’s allegations were reported…
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Trump Ousts McMaster and Replaces Him With Warmonger John Bolton
As of Thursday, Donald Trump is on his third national security adviser. He has ousted Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster and replaced him with former American Ambassador to the United Nations John R. Bolton, a known warmonger and Fox News contributor. As the New York Times reports, McMaster—who never had a good relationship with Trump—was meant…
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Let’s Discuss How Republicans in Congress Are Complicit in Trump’s Bullshit
There is a $1.3 trillion spending bill being worked on in Congress right now. Democrats wanted to add language to the bill that would protect special counsel Robert Mueller and keep him from being fired by the president. Although a good many of them said that they believe Mueller should be allowed to finish the…
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White House Adviser Kellyanne Conway May Have Been Balling on Taxpayer Coins: Report
I’m a Kellyanne Conway birther. That’s right. I am going to need proof that Kellyanne Conway is alive and not just a skeleton covered in provolone cheese wearing a bank-robber wig that is attached to a series of pulleys that make her arms and mouth move. Until then, I have to address Kellyanne Conway as…
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Republicans on House Intelligence Committee Don’t Think Trump Is Putin’s Pawn
The Republican members of the House Intelligence Committee announced Monday that they do not believe Russian President Vladimir Putin attempted to help Donald Trump win the 2016 U.S. presidential election. According to CNN, those same GOP members said they found no evidence of collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia, and they will be shutting…
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If Trump Is Meeting With North Korean President Kim Jong Un, Then Dennis Rodman Needs to Be There
You know what’s more bizarre then two hot-headed world leaders getting together in a room to talk peace? Dennis Rodman. Rodman—the tattooed, onetime drug addict-and-onetime basketball player-turned-reformed drug addict, whose temperament can best be described as a faulty shredded trip wire on its last thread—has the distinguished privilege of being one of the few men…
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A Condom With a Hole In it, and 9 Other Things I Trust More Than Trump
At the White House press briefing on Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders was discussing the departure of top Trump economic adviser Gary Cohn. He is just the latest member of Donald Trump’s administration to say, “You know what? I’m out of here” and quit his job. A member of the press asked Sanders about the high…