Politics
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The Donald Trump Dictionary of Alternative Definitions
Do you remember when words meant things? I know it’s hard to imagine, but before Jan. 20, 2017, back in the pre-Trumpian era, during the salad days of U.S. history, when Muslims were welcome into the country and the president didn’t have the attitude of a petulant toddler, words had immutable definitions. Back in those…
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Birthing My Half-Black, Half-Pakistani, Full-Muslim Son in the Era of Trump
I went into labor 30 minutes after Donald Trump’s election night speech. I have the worries that any new mother would have about raising a child in the era of Trump, where ugliness is out in the open and civility no longer exists. My son was born pink. Not mocha, like his daddy. I really…
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The Woke Guide to the Super Bowl: If You’re Rooting for the New England Patriots, You’re Rooting for Trump
The two weeks between the NFL playoffs and the Super Bowl are usually incredibly boring. The same interviews, the same analysis for a game that Vegas picked correctly a month ago. But thanks to Donald Trump, this year it’s different. After decades of adhering to the “stick to sports” mantra, sports fans, pundits and especially…
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A Prayer Because I'm Just *CENSORED* Tired
Congregation of St. Panama Jackson the United Methodist Baptist Pentecostal AME Church of God in Christ Episcopal Primitive Missionary Baptist Down By The Riverside Holiness Church, please bow your heads…again: Dear 175 lb, carpenter god/God, afro-pic utilizing banned from the USA, Jesus, I’m tired. My feet are weary even though you’ve allegedly been carrying me…
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Trump Is the Boyfriend Who Can’t Stop Talking About His Old Girlfriend
President Donald Trump hasn’t accepted that his relationship with Celebrity Apprentice is over. He can’t accept that Arnold Schwarzenegger is the new boss with a new catchphrase. He also can’t deal with the fact that his old flame has moved on without him even though his new bae, the presidency of the United States of…
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Sean Spicer Looks Like Howard the Duck in Human Form, Is Scared of Children and Is a Terrible Press Secretary
Sean Spicer often looks guilty of something. He looks like the person who went into the work refrigerator, saw the juice with your name on it and drank it anyway—and put it back with not the slightest ounce of shame. Spicer also seems like the driver you end up cursing out on the freeway because…
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Trump on Black History Month: Where Frederick Douglass At? I See You, Baby!
President Donald Trump was surrounded by all his blacks on Wednesday. That’s right; Omarosa Manigault and Ben Carson were there to hear Trump shout out Frederick Douglass like he was a new artist coming out on Trump Records, during what I believe was supposed to constitute some form of Black History Month appreciation. “Frederick Douglass…
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Sean ‘Spicy Facts’ Spicer Gets in Heavy Fuss-Fight With the Press
White House press secretary Sean “Spicy Facts” Spicer is so out of his depth, it’s amazing to watch. On Tuesday, Spicy Facts found himself knee-deep in a tense conversation with members of the press corps over a tweet sent out by the tweeter-in-chief. On Monday, President Donald Trump tweeted: I know it’s difficult, but ignore…
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Why the Muslim Ban Matters to Black People
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew.…
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Why Is Tina Campbell Helping President Hog’s-Head-Cheese Hussein?
If I could charter our new President Hog’s-Head-Cheese Hussein a flight anywhere, the destination would be obvious: the Seventh Circle of Hell. If his long list of sins against humanity before he was elected (insert laugh track) president did not confirm what an arrogant, selfish, greedy, cruel waste of the gift of life he is,…