Politics
-
Trump’s CPAC Speech Is Like All the Rest of Them: A Word-Vomit Salad of Stupidity
In 2015 Donald Trump was booed at the Conservative Political Action Conference. So after that, Trump got tight and wasn’t fucking with CPAC. He blew off the gathering of conservatives in 2016, and here is the funny part: CPAC didn’t care, because they weren’t fucking with him, either. In a 2016 CPAC poll of Republican…
-
Putin Wants to Get Under the Wig of Sunkist Stalin After Realizing He Helped Elect the Political Equivalent of a Quick Weave as President
No shade to the Kremlin, but if you have to pay for a psychological dossier on Sunkist Stalin, there’s a reason Muva Russia has gone from global superpower to Broke-Bitch Nation. Yes, such a declaration may lead to my emails being hacked, my nudes being spread like a dope Spotify playlist and God knows what…
-
Welcome to the America Black People Have Always Lived In
Good morning! It is so great to see all of you gathered here on this lovely day! From the looks on your faces, many of you seem disturbed to find yourself in this meeting, but trust me, you should be thankful. I thought that by the first month into Donald Trump’s presidency, we’d be 0n…
-
Mike Pence Doesn’t Like Condoms, Waited Forever to Stop HIV Crisis and Probably Only Likes Missionary Sex; He’s No Friend to Anti-HIV/AIDS Causes
Mike Pence is Lucifer if instead of creating hell after being drop-kicked out of heaven, Lucifer decided to land in Indiana and become a politician. Pence is nothing more than ugliness presented with pleasantries. Some appear to find that impressive—at least in comparison with President Minute Maid Mao. This is akin to arguing that Jeremih…
-
Donald Trump Is Basically ‘Black Bush’ From Chappelle’s Show
At this point I’m convinced that President Asshat is trolling us. That he believes none of the stuff he says or does, and in the end he’s just re-enacting the “Black Bush” skit played brilliantly by Dave Chappelle on Chappelle’s Show. During an impromptu press conference at the White House last week, Asshat was asked…
-
Y’all’s President Is a Lazy Thot
Y’all’s president is one vacationing-ass bitch. It hasn’t even been a smooth full month into Tropicana Jong-il’s four-year term (insert laugh track here), and the man has taken every weekend off. To his credit, much like his racism, his xenophobia, his sexism, his narcissism, his creepy obsession with his daughter and his insecurities, 45 has…
-
Groundhog Day: Democrats Must Make Sure Russia-Gate Isn’t Like 1996’s ‘China-Gate’
Name a successful president who takes campaign assistance from a “frenemy” of the United States, pretends not to know what his vice president does and does not know, and radically alters foreign policy toward the nation that helped him get into the White House. Raise your hand if you thought of Bill Clinton. As bad…
-
Report: Trump Will Issue New Executive Order on Immigration Next Week Instead of Fighting Court Case
On the same day the Justice Department told a federal court there would be no point in further court battles over President Donald Trump’s executive order on immigration, the president himself said that he will issue a new executive order on immigration by next week. According to NBC News, in a filing submitted to the…
-
How Do We Break Up With Russia After Valentine’s Day and Not Look Like a Dick?
Seriously, Valentine’s Day just passed, and while we don’t want to be a dick about it, Russia is starting to become the girlfriend who comes over unannounced, and it’s gone from being cute to creepy. On Tuesday a Russian spy ship was found just chilling off the coast of Delaware. It’s almost like the Russians…