Politics
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3 Reasons I Believe TrumPutin Released His Own Taxes, and 1 Reason I Don’t
When Rachel Maddow tweeted that she had Vladimir TrumPutin’s tax return, it was as if Beyoncé and Frank Ocean had made a duets album that leaked at midnight. We all rushed to see what the hell she’d found. But in the end it was less Blond Lemonade and more Geraldo, his dumb-ass mustache and Al…
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All Health Care Is Obamacare
Despite our reasoning skills, development of complex languages and cross-cultural ability to learn the Electric Slide, humans are basically animals, and all animals share fundamental traits. Take dogs, for instance: I have an enormous, bumbling, spoiled brat of a Great Dane named Omar. When Omar was a small puppy, he would bounce to his food…
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Rep. Steve King Is Starting to Sound Like a Damn Nazi
It’s becoming very difficult to report on Republican Rep. Steve King of Iowa because half the time, I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. On Sunday he tweeted, “We can’t restore our civilization with somebody else’s babies.” What the hell does that even mean? Looking at King’s sketchy-ass past, one can assume that…
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Why Can’t We Cover Trump’s Twitter Fingers and His Presidency?
President Vladimir TrumPutin has been a busy man since taking office. Mostly he’s been busy hiding his taxes from the American public, and hiding his relationship with Russian operatives. He’s surely spent time keeping the video of paid Russian thots R. Kelly-ing all over a hotel room out of the hands of the public, and…
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What Trump’s Tweets Teach Us About Trayvon Martin, Mike Brown and Emmett Till
Explaining racism is hard. When you’re illustrating the complexities of racial prejudice in America, it is difficult to bridge the gap between understanding and skepticism in a populace pretending to listen with its arms folded, ready to dismiss any reasonable, salient point that demonstrates the existence of privilege and bigotry. Sometimes it’s not that people…
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We Read All 123 Pages of Trumpcare; Here’s What You Need to Know
While Donald Trump presides over this poorly produced reality show that we call a presidency, we must admit that it has been extraordinarily entertaining so far. Although the thrilling tales about the administration’s secret Russian rendezvous and Trump’s paranoid schizophrenic late-night tweets about dead people voting and phone tapping keep us glued to our favorite…
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5 Things Trump Can Do to Piss Off TrumpPets
What if you could do anything you wanted? What if every time you heard something you didn’t like, you could punch the person who said it in the mouth? Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to say anything you wanted—even if it’s a lie—and have it manifest itself into reality? You might be too…
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Black Male Ego Sinks Black Woman Magic in St. Louis Election: Tishaura Jones Loses Mayor’s Race by 888 Votes
If there was a nexus between the Black Lives Matter movement and the pussy-hat-wearing, International Day of Women post-Trump-election movement, it should have been the St. Louis Democratic primary for mayor on Tuesday. St. Louis has never had a female mayor, and the top two candidates were Lyda Krewson, a 64-year-old white alderman with the…
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#StopSabal: Fight to Halt Natural Gas Pipeline in Minority Communities Could Be Next #NoDAPL
The battle to stop the Dakota Access Pipeline at the Standing Rock Sioux Reservation in North Dakota garnered major headlines last year as protesters gathered to stop the oil pipeline from endangering the water source of sacred tribal land. But in Florida, Georgia and Alabama, there is something happening that’s eerily similar to DAPL. It’s…
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Trumpfluenza: A Public Mental-Health Alert
After years of research and evaluation, the Yearly Psychological and Psychiatric Universal Lexicon Listing (Y.P. P.U.L.L.) will make its first addition in years to the official list of mental diseases. Although scientists and researchers often discover variations in already diagnosed maladies, or designate scientific titles for unnamed illnesses, this marks the first time in centuries…