Politics
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The NRA Is a Terrorist Organization
Media outlets and politicians in mourning have all offered thoughts, prayers and not much else for the most recent mass shooting in Columbine, Colo.; Las Vegas; Sutherland Springs, Texas; Parkland, Fla. (insert next city here). Very few have called it a terrorism-related incident. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, a terrorist activity is defined,…
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Why Won’t the White House Explain Melania Trump’s Parents’ Immigration Status?
The White House has been very clear from day one that it doesn’t care for immigrants unless the immigrants are from Slovenia and they are the parents of your wife; then the White House doesn’t want to talk about immigration status or “chain migration”—the inflammatory term the White House uses to note how immigrants supposedly…
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I Listened to Trump Pretend He Cares About School Shootings so You Don’t Have To
Donald Trump doesn’t care about school shootings. When the press and public demand that the president address issues that he clearly doesn’t care about, it only makes the problem worse—like a teacher squeezing an insincere apology out of a bully who’s just going to hit you again the moment she leaves the room. Trump spoke…
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Now That Porn Actress Stormy Daniels Can Talk About Her Affair With Donald Trump, No One Cares
We already know what happened between porn star Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump. We know how the two met. We know that Daniels and Trump started fucking shortly after Baron was born in 2006. We know that Trump likes to be spanked with a rolled-up Forbes magazine. We know all we need to know, and…
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It’s Valentine’s Day; South Africa Just Dumped Its Leader and America Should Be Next
Valentine’s Day 2018 is the perfect day for America to finally end its rebounding relationship with Donald Trump. We all know it’s been hard to get over Barack: He took America to meet his family in Kenya, brought some flowers for the National Portrait Gallery; we all know he was a good guy and America…
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Here’s How Much Trump’s Fascist Military Parade Will Cost
If President Gilligan von SlaveTrade is to have his wishes of a grand military parade met, then the cost could range somewhere between $10 million and $30 million, according to the White House budget director. Because this president is the grown-up version of the white kid in The Toy and doesn’t understand how any of…
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GOP Senate Candidate’s Parents Donate Maximum Amount to His Democratic Rival
Republican U.S. Senate candidate Kevin Nicholson’s parents have decided that blood is not thicker than politics. That’s because they oppose their son’s political views so much that they donated the maximum amount allowed to his Democratic rival, current Wisconsin Sen. Tammy Baldwin. CBS News reports that Nicholson, a Marine Corps veteran who served in Iraq…
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#MAGA: Trump Properties Needed 144 Employees, so They Hired 143 Foreign Guest Workers and 1 American
President Donald Trump is a roadside magician whose best trick is convincing the public that he actually has tricks. But all of Trump’s “magic” since taking office has been an obvious sleight of little hands. Oh, special counsel Robert Mueller is investigating my ties to Russia—time to start a Twitter war with North Korea. What’s…
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Trump’s Lawyer: I Paid the Porn Star $130,000 but That Doesn’t Mean She Had Sex With the President
President Donald Trump didn’t pay porn star Stormy Daniels in an attempt to hide their reported affair. Trump’s longtime personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, paid Stormy, née Stephanie Clifford, out of his own pocket, but he won’t say why she was paid or what she was paid for. Cohen also claims that he was not…