Politics
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Joe Biden Wanting to Punch Donald Trump Behind the Bleachers Isn’t About Toxic Masculinity or Being Tough; It’s Just Bad Politics
I got into a lot of fights when I was a kid. I’m not talking shoving matches on the playground—I mean knockdown, torn-clothes, busted-lip, black eye fights where, if I didn’t put the other kid down, he was going to come back and hurt me, usually with some other kids in tow. I wasn’t really…
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Trump’s ‘Opioid Czar’ Kellyanne Conway Has Found the Solution to the Opioid Crisis: Ice Cream!
The reanimated skeletal remains of Kellyanne Conway were seen at the White House. Stephen, Kellyanne Conway didn’t die. But I clearly saw a skeleton speaking, which is what this story was going to be about. That was Kellyanne Conway. What? The broom with the 1980s weightlifter wig IS Kellyanne Conway … Kellyanne Conway, aka Skellyanne,…
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President Pump-Fake Throws Another Twitter Tantrum, Threatens to Veto Spending Bill, and No One Believes Him
On Friday, President Donald Trump, who this week alone has claimed that he would beat the daylights out of former Vice President Joe Biden, explained why he made a congratulatory call to a Russian gangster posing as a president, and typed “witch hunt” in all caps, has again gone to Twitter to claim that he’s…
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Trump Ousts McMaster and Replaces Him With Warmonger John Bolton
As of Thursday, Donald Trump is on his third national security adviser. He has ousted Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster and replaced him with former American Ambassador to the United Nations John R. Bolton, a known warmonger and Fox News contributor. As the New York Times reports, McMaster—who never had a good relationship with Trump—was meant…
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Cory Booker and Jeff Flake Had a Snowball Duel, and I Have Questions … a lot of Questions
I miss the old Cory Booker, the Newark, N.J., mayor who was so grassroots that he was like a New Jersey-born superhero who literally was saving people from burning buildings and pushing snowed-in cars to safety. Oh, Hurricane Sandy knocked your power out? No biggie, just slide over to Booker’s crib to watch Netflix and…
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Trump’s Lead Lawyer Abandons White House Titanic After Realizing He’s Been Working for an Idiot: Report
Being the lawyer for a client who won’t listen has to be difficult. Being a lawyer for the “president of not listening” even when objectives are written in all caps has to be impossible. So on Thursday, the president’s lead lawyer for the special counsel investigation, John Dowd, decided that he’d been working for a…
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Biden Would ‘Go Down Fast and Hard,’ Says Borderline-Obese 71-Year-Old With Bone Spurs
Well, this all got super stupid, super quickly. Donald Trump woke up with a bone to pick with former Vice President Joe Biden after Biden told students at the University of Miami earlier this week that he would have “beat the hell out” of Trump if they’d gone to school together. Furiously tweeting about “Crazy…
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Joe Biden Really Needs to Sit His Ass Down Somewhere
Former Vice President Joe Biden won’t stop all this tough-talking stuff, and he’s literally becoming the walking meme of himself. During the “It’s on Us” anti-sexual-assault rally that Biden attended Tuesday at the University of Miami, Biden told students that he would’ve “beat the hell out” of Donald Trump if they had gone to school…
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White House Staffer Leaks That Trump Was Warned Not to Congratulate Putin, Then Trump Got Mad About the Leak and Someone Leaked That
Because the White House staff has to talk to the president of the United States like he’s a third-grader, national security advisers put the words “DO NOT CONGRATULATE” in all caps so that the old fool would be sure not to celebrate the sham election win by Russian dictator Vladimir Putin during a call Tuesday.…
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Nazi Has Secured GOP Nomination for Chicago-Area Congressional Seat
A Republican Holocaust denier shunned by his own party will be the GOP nominee for a congressional seat representing a heavily Democratic Chicago suburb. Arthur Jones, a former member of the American Nazi Party, managed to secure the nomination by running unopposed in Tuesday’s primary. As The Hill reports, Jones is an unrepentant anti-Semite and…