Politics
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Trump Set to Pardon Lying-Ass Scooter Libby: Report
It would be nice if the president of the United States actually saw the irony of claiming that James Comey, the former director of the FBI, is a “liar” and a “leaker” at the same time that he’s set to pardon a known liar and leaker, but Trump doesn’t get irony. He also doesn’t get…
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I’m the Son of an Oklahoma Schoolteacher, and the Way They’re Treated Is a Crime
I was walking home from my friend G’s house when I noticed the bright-orange cutoff notice on the door. We had skipped school that day to play Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo, so I was surprised when I looked up from playing “Sonic” to see that it was 3:30 in the afternoon. I hurriedly gathered…
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James Comey Spills the Tea on Donald Trump and His Pee
Apparently, Michael Cohen isn’t the only person Donald Trump tried to get to act as a fixer for him. In his upcoming book, former FBI Director James Comey says the president tried to get him to investigate the infamous “pee tape” allegations. According to the New York Post—which got an advance copy of the book—the…
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Why Would You Willingly Have Sex With Donald Trump?
The news that Donald Trump may or may not have a “secret” love child with his former housekeeper has left me with many questions. In between dry-heaving at the thought of him huffing and puffing away while on top of someone, his eyes squinted and his lips pursed as he lives out the best 45…
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Dry Snitchin’: Trump Doorman Unofficially Confirms President’s Love Child With Former Housekeeper
This presidency gets messier and messier. I cannot believe he is still in office with all the horrible things we learn about him every single day. There’s so much dirt out there on him, yet somehow he continues to thrive, just out there winning because nothing that comes out about him manages to stick. Teflon…
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White North Carolina Candidate Who Once Attended Fish Fry Believes He Has Invitation to Cookout
Gary Shipman is a North Carolina politician vying for the Democratic nomination and the chance to challenge Republican Rep. Holly Grange for her seat in the North Carolina General Assembly. And if the surname Shipman doesn’t give it away, Gary is also a white man. A full-fledged, hard-bottom-wearing, finger-gun-shooting, nits, raisins and various other fruits-in-his-potato-salad…
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Deuces! Paul Ryan Calls It Quits, and Republicans Just Lost the House
There are times in your professional life when you look around, see what’s going on in your company or office, recognize that you’ve done your best, made some lasting positive change and peacefully decide it’s time to go. Then there’s House Speaker Paul Ryan. He’s the guy who looked around his office, saw people screaming…
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Donald Trump Is the Great Value Frank Underwood; Michael Cohen Is His Doug Stamper
Riddle me this: Why would the FBI be searching the home, office and hotel room of Donald Trump attorney Michael Cohen for all the records related to the infamous Access Hollywood tape on which Trump was heard basically admitting that he thinks it’s OK to sexually assault women? And why, as reported by the New…
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Bong-Jour: John Boehner Gets Brand-New, Now Supports Cannabis
File this under “Stories I never thought I’d be writing in my journalism career.” Former House Speaker John Boehner, a Republican from Ohio, was previously opposed to any and all types of marijuana reform when he served in the U.S. Congress. He vocally opposed marijuana legalization, having said in 2011 that he was “unalterably opposed”…
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Meet the White Nationalist Most Likely to Take Over for Paul Ryan Now That Ryan Is Retiring
On Wednesday, House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) announced that he would not be seeking re-election and would retire at the end of his term in 2019. This has huge national implications, of course: The GOP will have lost a major fundraiser and party leader, Republicans and Democrats see Ryan’s announcement as another sign that Democrats…