Politics
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5 Takeaways From James Comey’s Petty-Ass Interview
Anyone who has ever read anything I’ve ever written knows how much I don’t care for Donald Trump or anything Trump-related, including his golf courses, his clothing, his children, his immigration policy, his wife, his real estate and his white-man lace front. I don’t even like ketchup on the table if I’m eating a steak.…
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Trump Orders Retaliation Strikes Against Syria
On Friday evening, Donald Trump announced that there would be precision missile strikes conducted against Syria in retaliation for alleged chemical weapons attacks that occurred on April 7 in Douma. The White House called for the press pool to gather shortly after 8:30 p.m. on Friday, and the president made his announcement from the White…
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Shook: After Cohen Raids, Trump’s Lawyers Reportedly No Longer Want Him to Talk to Mueller
The FBI raids on Michael Cohen’s office, home and New York City hotel room apparently have Donald Trump’s lawyers so shook, they are now re-evaluating whether or not they want their client to do a sit-down with special counsel Robert Mueller for an interview. Sources close to the matter told CNN that attorneys for the…
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Trump Set to Pardon Lying-Ass Scooter Libby: Report
It would be nice if the president of the United States actually saw the irony of claiming that James Comey, the former director of the FBI, is a “liar” and a “leaker” at the same time that he’s set to pardon a known liar and leaker, but Trump doesn’t get irony. He also doesn’t get…
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I’m the Son of an Oklahoma Schoolteacher, and the Way They’re Treated Is a Crime
I was walking home from my friend G’s house when I noticed the bright-orange cutoff notice on the door. We had skipped school that day to play Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo, so I was surprised when I looked up from playing “Sonic” to see that it was 3:30 in the afternoon. I hurriedly gathered…
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James Comey Spills the Tea on Donald Trump and His Pee
Apparently, Michael Cohen isn’t the only person Donald Trump tried to get to act as a fixer for him. In his upcoming book, former FBI Director James Comey says the president tried to get him to investigate the infamous “pee tape” allegations. According to the New York Post—which got an advance copy of the book—the…
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Why Would You Willingly Have Sex With Donald Trump?
The news that Donald Trump may or may not have a “secret” love child with his former housekeeper has left me with many questions. In between dry-heaving at the thought of him huffing and puffing away while on top of someone, his eyes squinted and his lips pursed as he lives out the best 45…
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Dry Snitchin’: Trump Doorman Unofficially Confirms President’s Love Child With Former Housekeeper
This presidency gets messier and messier. I cannot believe he is still in office with all the horrible things we learn about him every single day. There’s so much dirt out there on him, yet somehow he continues to thrive, just out there winning because nothing that comes out about him manages to stick. Teflon…
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White North Carolina Candidate Who Once Attended Fish Fry Believes He Has Invitation to Cookout
Gary Shipman is a North Carolina politician vying for the Democratic nomination and the chance to challenge Republican Rep. Holly Grange for her seat in the North Carolina General Assembly. And if the surname Shipman doesn’t give it away, Gary is also a white man. A full-fledged, hard-bottom-wearing, finger-gun-shooting, nits, raisins and various other fruits-in-his-potato-salad…
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Deuces! Paul Ryan Calls It Quits, and Republicans Just Lost the House
There are times in your professional life when you look around, see what’s going on in your company or office, recognize that you’ve done your best, made some lasting positive change and peacefully decide it’s time to go. Then there’s House Speaker Paul Ryan. He’s the guy who looked around his office, saw people screaming…