Politics
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Trump Embarrasses His Wife With Cheating Scandals but Thinks the Media Treats Her Unfairly
With a full heart and clear eyes, President Donald Trump tweeted, earnestly, that he’s getting tired of the “vicious” treatment first lady Melania Trump has received behind her weeklong absence from the public eye. “The Fake News Media has been so unfair, and vicious, to my wife and our great First Lady, Melania,” Trump tweeted.…
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Celebrity-Obsessed Trump Listens to Kim Kardashian, Commutes Alice Johnson’s Life Sentence
It might be time to run all of our presidential requests through Kim Kardashian West. President Donald Trump, appearing to heed the advice of the reality-TV star after their chat at the White House last week, has commuted the sentence of Alice Johnson, a black woman serving life for a nonviolent drug offense, Axios reports.…
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The Patriotic President From Patriotism-ville Doesn’t Know the Words to ‘God Bless America’
If this were a movie, you would have walked out of the theater by now. On Tuesday, after President Donald Trump disinvited the champion Philadelphia Eagles to the White House and threw an all-wypipo party instead, he was caught mumbling the lyrics to “God Bless America.” Seriously, after all of his patriotic bullshit, not to…
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Aide Who Joked That Sen. John McCain Is ‘Dying Anyway’ No Longer Works at the White House
Kelly Sadler, the White House aide who made national news when she “joked” that no one in the Trump administration should care what Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) thinks because “he’s dying anyway,” has left the White House. The West Wing aide made the comment to colleagues during a closed-door meeting last month; she was referring…
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Trump Believes That Kim and Kanye Are Helping With His Popularity Among African Americans!
President Donald Trump recently welcomed the vapid mosh pit of black-woman body parts that is Kim Kardashian West to the abhorrent sinkhole, aka the White House, to discuss prison reform—which is funny because they were two knowledgeable people short of an actual discussion about prison reform. Together, the reality stars who have successfully parlayed their…
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Black GOP Senate Candidate Believes That Slave Descendants Are Better Off in America
Bishop E.W. Jackson (pronounced Bishop Ewwwwww) is a black man in Virginia who’s running for the Republican nomination for the Senate. Stop me if you know where this is going. During an interview about his long-shot chance of actually winning a Senate seat in the South as a Republican, Jackson did his best to appease…
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Wait, Was That a Melania Trump Look-Alike?
A woman with the facial structure and permanent scowl worn by first lady Melania Trump made an appearance Monday evening with her husband and legal captor, Donald Trump. The woman who answered to the name Melania was alongside the president during a ceremony to honor Gold Star families. While many, including this writer, believe that…
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Trump Disinvites Philadelphia Eagles From the White House, Allegedly Over National Anthem
Once again your president is using the lofty office of the executive branch to be the petty bitch that he obviously can’t help being. On Monday evening, the White House released a statement saying that the 2018 Super Bowl-winning Philadelphia Eagles are “unable” to come to the White House on Tuesday because of the national…
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Bill Clinton Doesn’t Believe He Owes Monica Lewinsky an Apology, and Implies That He’s the Real Victim
Former President Bill Clinton wants America to know that in spite of the recent #MeToo movement, he doesn’t believe he owes Monica Lewinsky an apology for the reported sexual encounter between the then-44-year-old president and Lewinsky, then a 22-year-old White House intern. Speaking to Today, Clinton defended his decision to remain in office following the…
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Trump Wants America to Know He Can Pardon Himself, but He Didn’t Do Anything Wrong
President Donald Trump did not collude with Russians, but if he did, he wants America to know that he has the absolute right to pardon himself. On Monday, Trump took to Twitter to explain how he could pardon himself once special counsel Robert Mueller found him guilty of being the worst president in American history.…