pete buttigieg
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Elizabeth Warren Exists
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, an evil, pumpkin-colored king named Dottard Grump ruled the land. Evil King Grump spent most of his days lying, obstructing justice, tweeting and playing golf. At night, he traveled across the kingdom to tell more lies and play more golf, coalescing a consortium of evil…
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Bloomberg Is the Real 'Slim Shady,' Warren Says 'Call Me Maybe' and Voters Ask Biden, ‘What Have You Done for Me Lately?’: 2020 Presidential Black Power Rankings, Week 29
The committee loves Valentine’s Day—not just because it’s an excuse to eat lots of candy and make reservations at places that you never cared about going to so that you actually look like you’ve made an effort because last Valentine’s Day we were waiting in line for hours because you refuse to use NexTable—sorry, I…
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Pete Buttigieg and Sen. Bernie Sanders in Tight Race for 1st in an Iowa Caucus That Has Been a Damn Disaster
First off, Iowa is white as hell. Secondly, I don’t even know why Iowa matters but it does and it’s the first election of the presidential primary season, so the numbers matter, but I’m getting a little tired of Iowa being a thing when the Democratic Party is owned by black women. So please stop…
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The Democratic Candidates, Ranked by Cookoutworthiness
White people are going to vote for Donald Trump. That statement is a fact. According to the Roper Center, the Republican presidential nominee has won the white vote in every election in the last four decades. Even the white progressives who are currently bristling at the inhumanity of Trump cannot deny this statistical truth. To…
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Why Your Presidential Candidate Is Trash (Yes, Yours Too)
I fondly remember the days when I was “in the tank” for Bernie Sanders. My time as a shill for Bernie only lasted for a few weeks after I “attacked” Pete Buttigieg with “wokeness,” which was followed by the time I “smeared” Joe Biden, which was months after I unfairly distorted Kamala Harris’ record. But,…
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Sanders Is a Sore Winner, Buttigieg Fans Say He’s a Beginner and Biden’s Lead Is Getting Slimmer: 2020 Presidential Black Power Rankings, Week 26
Green Book wasn’t just the story of a white savior who centered himself in the story of a queer black genius in the 1960s. It also happened to be a real guide as to where it was safe for black folks to eat, sleep and socialize—kind of like a Black Yelp. Why does that matter?…
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The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: The Fresh Prince of Mailbags
Now this is a story all about howEvery Friday, I turn white smiles upside downI’d like to take a second…Maybe a minute or twoto tell you how I became a racist at a site called The Root. In Black America, I was born and raisedPoetry and economics is where I spent most of my daysBut…