pardon
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Missouri Governor Says He’ll Pardon Couple Who Pointed Guns at Protesters Because, of Course, He Will
In a move shocking absolutely no one, Missouri’s Republican governor has said he would “most certainly” pardon the bootleg Bonnie and Clyde seen pointing guns at protesters over the summer. The Hill reports Gov. Michael Parson told reporters on Wednesday that he “most certainly would” pardon Mark and Patricia McCloskey should they face conviction. On…
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Colorado Governor Grants Pardons to Those Convicted for Possession of Up to an Ounce of Marijuana
Colorado’s Democratic Gov. Jared Polis signed an executive order on Tuesday pardoning people who have been convicted for possessing up to an ounce of Marijuana. CNN reports that this move follows the passage of a bill in June that granted the governor power “to grant pardons to a class of defendants who were convicted of…
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Pardons Granted by Former Kentucky Governor Under Federal Review
Last week, former Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin came under fire for a series of pardons he granted before leaving office. Among those pardoned was one Micah Schoettle, a man who only served 19 months of a 23-year sentence. His crime? Raping a 9-year-old girl he was related to. CBS News reports that the FBI has…
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Trump’s Pardon of Muhammad Ali Would Mean Nothing
President Donald Trump today revealed that he’s considering thousands of potential pardons, including one for Muhammad Ali’s overturned conviction for draft evasion. His statements were greeted by the sports world, black America and even Ali’s former lawyer with a collective yawn. Never mind the fact that neither Ali nor his estate would benefit from said…
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Trump Wants to Posthumously Pardon Muhammad Ali, Who Rolled Over in His Grave so the President Could Kiss His Ass
Not sure if Donald Trump believes that all deceased black boxers need pardoning or if he just likes pardoning things, but during his nearly 18-minute rant on the White House lawn Friday before heading off to embarrass America once again on the global stage at the G-7 summit, the president floated the idea of pardoning…
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Trump Wants to Ask Kneeling NFL Players Whom He Should Pardon Next
President Donald Trump won’t handle the basic duties of presidenting, like not tweeting from the White House executive bathroom in the early morning, but now he’s becoming the Oprah of pardons. For some reason unbeknownst to anyone, Trump offered to speak with NFL players who have kneeled during the national anthem in protest of the…
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Trump Wants America to Know He Can Pardon Himself, but He Didn’t Do Anything Wrong
President Donald Trump did not collude with Russians, but if he did, he wants America to know that he has the absolute right to pardon himself. On Monday, Trump took to Twitter to explain how he could pardon himself once special counsel Robert Mueller found him guilty of being the worst president in American history.…
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Trump to Give Full Pardon to Satan’s Favorite Author, Dinesh D’Souza
It’s good to see that Donald Trump’s meeting with prison-reform activist Kim Kardashian had a positive effect on the president’s feelings about unjust incarceration. Less than 24 hours after that meeting with the Calabasas, Calif., civil rights leader, Trump has decided to pardon Dinesh D’Souza, the unjustly accused and convicted author of leanings so far…