news
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Trump Disinvites Philadelphia Eagles From the White House, Allegedly Over National Anthem
Once again your president is using the lofty office of the executive branch to be the petty bitch that he obviously can’t help being. On Monday evening, the White House released a statement saying that the 2018 Super Bowl-winning Philadelphia Eagles are “unable” to come to the White House on Tuesday because of the national…
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Rutgers Professor Rails Against ‘Little Caucasian Assholes’ Gentrifying His Harlem Nabe, Even Though He’s ‘a White People’
A white Rutgers University professor went off on the entitled “little shithead” gentrifiers who have taken over his Harlem neighborhood (yes, you read that right). James Livingston wrote a Facebook rant on Thursday that was flagged and taken down by the social media platform after he went to Harlem Shake, a high-end burger joint half…
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Police Called on Oregon Senator After He’s Barred From Entering Immigration Detention Center
U.S. Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-Ore.) was hoping to visit with those being held in an immigration detention center in Texas; instead he was barred from entering and had the police called on him, and the whole encounter was recorded and posted to Facebook on Sunday. According to HuffPost: Merkley traveled to the facility in Brownsville,…
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Bill Clinton Doesn’t Believe He Owes Monica Lewinsky an Apology, and Implies That He’s the Real Victim
Former President Bill Clinton wants America to know that in spite of the recent #MeToo movement, he doesn’t believe he owes Monica Lewinsky an apology for the reported sexual encounter between the then-44-year-old president and Lewinsky, then a 22-year-old White House intern. Speaking to Today, Clinton defended his decision to remain in office following the…
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Supreme Court Rules in Favor of White Jesus
The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that protecting the white man’s God is more important than protecting the rights of actual human beings because—according to the highest court in America—Jesus has feelings, too. In a 7-2 ruling, the court ruled in favor of Masterpiece Cakeshop, a Colorado bakery that refused to sell a cake to…
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Trump Wants America to Know He Can Pardon Himself, but He Didn’t Do Anything Wrong
President Donald Trump did not collude with Russians, but if he did, he wants America to know that he has the absolute right to pardon himself. On Monday, Trump took to Twitter to explain how he could pardon himself once special counsel Robert Mueller found him guilty of being the worst president in American history.…
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Valedictorian Is Cheered for Quoting Trump, Booed When He Reveals It’s Actually an Obama Quote
The audience at a high school in Kentucky was caught trying to make graduations great again when the valedictorian fooled the pro-Donald Trump crowd into applauding a quote from the collusion king, only to find out that the words actually belonged to Barack Obama. Like Taylor Swift music, Birkenstock stores and Trump’s vision of America,…
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Florida Strikes Again: White Woman Captured on Video Spewing Curses, Racial Slurs at Black Family
I won’t even bother making a quip about Florida today because we all know what’s up. So let’s get right into the story. Facebook user Covey Banks, who is a physician, exposed some ugly racism that occurred at the Omni Orlando Resort over Memorial Day weekend, sharing footage of a white woman screaming racial slurs…
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NOOOOO!!! Serena Williams Pulls Out of French Open Because of Injury
It seems that we’ll have to wait a little longer to see Serena Williams dominate on the tennis courts once more. The superstar called off her grand-slam comeback and pulled out of the French Open on Monday because of a pectoral injury shortly before she was due to face archnemesis Maria Sharapova in a highly…
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Parkland, Fla., Cop: ‘In a Perfect World’ He Would Have Entered High School and Stopped Shooter
Scot Peterson, the armed officer captured on video waiting outside Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla., as a shooter gunned down 17 people inside, says that if he knew then what he knows today, he would have been in the school “in a heartbeat.” In his first interview since the February shooting, Peterson…