news
-
How to Write a Donald Trump Speech
President Asshat has never been an orator. In fact, aside from his popular catchphrase “You’re fired” “Grab ’em by the pussy,” I don’t know if he’s ever said anything remotely memorable. Most of his public appearances in his first two weeks in office have appeared to be off-the-cuff. But besides the universal connection of hate…
-
Texas Man Whose Life Sentence on Drug Charges Was Commuted by Obama Caught With More Than 2 Pounds of Cocaine
A Texas man who was given a second chance after his life sentence on drug charges was commuted by then-President Barack Obama may once again be spending years behind bars after being caught with more than 2 pounds of cocaine following a high-speed chase, the New York Post reports. Robert Gill, 68, had been in…
-
Masked, Armed White Man Walks Into Mich. Police Department, Somehow Doesn’t Get Shot
What happens to you when you roll into a police station, fully armed, with body armor and wearing a mask over your face? Apparently not what you would expect, because a white Michigan man somehow escaped unscathed (and is even out on bail) after doing exactly that over in Dearborn … all because of an…
-
Calif. Girl Disciplined After Wearing KKK-Style Hood to High School
A California schoolgirl was disciplined after sparking controversy at Kern High School in the city of Bakersfield for wearing a Ku Klux Klan-style hood at school last week. Other students who saw the girl took to Snapchat to take pictures of the girl in the offending hood during lunch Thursday, KERO reports. (Really, who is…
-
Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel Claims He Always Wins—but at What Cost?
Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel spoke Monday at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business and laid out his thoughts on the Democratic Party and its prospects for taking back national power again, saying that it needs to take a “chill pill” because the return to power won’t happen anytime soon. “It ain’t gonna happen in 2018,” Emanuel…
-
Trump Accuses Media of Covering Up Terrorist Attacks
The presidential hyperbole train continued its run through America Monday when President Donald Trump, speaking to the U.S. Central Command, claimed that the media was intentionally covering up reports of terrorist attacks. According to the Washington Post, Trump went off his prepared remarks to make his claim. “You’ve seen what happened in Paris and Nice.…
-
Maxine Waters Says Trump Is Leading Himself to Impeachment
After tweeting last week that her “greatest desire was to lead Donald Trump right into impeachment,” Maxine Waters said Monday that Trump’s actions are leading him to possible impeachment. CNN reports that the California Democrat made her remarks to reporters at a news conference. “I have not called for the impeachment yet. He’s doing it…
-
Calif. Sheriff’s Deputy Caught on Video Threatening to ‘Create’ Charges and Send Man to Jail
Authorities in California are investigating after a video surfaced showing a San Bernardino County sheriff’s deputy threatening to create charges and throw a man in jail. Duncan Hicks went into the Victorville sheriff’s station Jan. 20 around 11 a.m. to file an incident report regarding a child custody issue. He told the Los Angeles Times…
-
Breaking News: Donald Trump Tells the Truth
We interrupt your Facebook scrolling, Candy Crush game, tweets or whatever you were doing (although we can’t imagine what you’d be doing on the internet besides reading The Root) to bring you this important announcement: News agencies across the country are reporting the collective, nationwide shock at the unthinkable incident that happened on Fox News…