news
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Well, This Is Awkward: Los Angeles Lakers No Longer Want Player After Learning of Herpes Lawsuit: Report
In life-comes-at-you-fast news, the Los Angeles Lakers have decided to pass on small forward Jamil Wilson after learning that the former NBA player was being sued for sexual battery for allegedly knowingly giving a woman herpes. According to TMZ Sports, the woman claims that she received herpes simplex 2 during a yearlong relationship with Wilson.…
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Police Bust Religious Group Accused of Using Child Slave Labor to Run Fish Markets
A traveling minister and his disciples in North Carolina have been accused of using child slavery to fund their “alternative religious group” and its operations for years, authorities say. Police in North Carolina have arrested four people—and have open warrants on six more—in a case of suspected child slavery. According to multiple outlets, an “alternative…
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Idiot Teacher Asked 4th-Graders to ‘Give 3 Good Reasons for Slavery’
I think it was the esteemed Founding Father Benjamin Franklin who once wrote, “Nothing in this world can be said to be certain except death, taxes and white people white-peopleing.” I may have added the last part, but it is definitely true. What else could explain a teacher asking a fourth-grade class to give three…
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Man Attempts to Kill Spider With Fire; Spider Sets Apartment on Fire
Here’s a lesson for everyone: If you see a huge spider, maybe don’t try to set it on fire because apparently, spiders will stop, drop and roll their way into setting your apartment on fire. And that’s just what happened to a Redding, Calif., man, after he attempted to torch a venomous wolf spider in…
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Immigration Agents Target 100 7-Eleven Stores Across the Country in 1 Day
Before dawn on Wednesday, seven immigration agents entered a 7-Eleven convenience store in the Koreatown area of Los Angeles and made arriving customers and a beer-delivery driver wait outside while they conducted a “federal inspection.” According to the Associated Press, that inspection was actually an employment audit. The agents verified that the cashier had a…
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#NetNeutrality: The Fight for an Open and Free Internet Continues Across the Country
Nearly a month after the Federal Communications Commission voted to repeal the rules of net neutrality, lawmakers across the country are doing what they can to keep the internet open and free. In California, this comes in the form of Senate Bill 460. NBC Bay Area reports that the California Consumer Protection and Net Neutrality…
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Nigerian Man Posts on Facebook Photos of Girls Being Illegally Circumcised
A Nigerian man has caught the attention of authorities after posting photos of girls being illegally circumcised on his Facebook account, CNN reports. The man, who goes by “Alhaji Adebayo” on Facebook, shared the photos with a caption that implied he would perform the operation for interested families. “Bonanza! Bonanza!! Bonanza!!” Adebayo wrote on his…
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Meet the White Nationalist Running for Congress in Pennsylvania
Apparently unaware of Steve King, Stephen Scalise, Steve Bannon and other Republican Party Steves who are racist as shit, a candidate for the House of Representatives has threatened to bow out of an upcoming Republican forum if a white supremacist running for the same congressional seat is allowed to attend. Andrew Lewis, a candidate for…
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Obama Had Officials Pay for Their Own Makeup Before TV Appearances; Trump Has the Taxpayers Doing It
If you’ve ever wondered to yourself, “Who is the person who makes Kellyanne Conway look less like a corpse?” Or, “Who makes Sarah Huckabee Sanders look less like a goofy troll-like succubus?” Well, I have the answer: It’s the White House’s full-time hair and makeup artist, Katie Price. That’s right. President Donald Trump’s White House…