news
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Donald Trump Jr. and Former Danity Kane Singer Weren’t Just Having an Affair; They Were Trying to Have a Baby: Report
I want to make this clear: I derive no joy from reporting these types of stories. Psyyyyyyyyyyych. There is a part of me that gets immense joy in blogging about the extramarital messiness of the Trumps. It’s as if the god of petty knows that if we must endure a dystopian Donald Trump regime, then…
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Can Someone in the White House Run and Get the KFC Bucket off the Old Fool’s Head? He’s Recklessly Tweeting Again
President Krusty Fried Cuckold—wait, did you see what I did there? KFC? OK, let me start over. Donald Trump is recklessly tweeting again, and he’s using all caps and throwing his weight around. Somehow, someone inside the White House left the child lock off of his phone, and I guess during his morning session of…
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#StephonClark: Sacramento, Calif., City Council Meeting Descends Into Chaos After Interruption by Stevante Clark
Sacramento, Calif., Mayor Darrell Steinberg and the City Council had a simple plan for Tuesday night: to hold a special session that would allow the public to speak out and ask questions related to the shooting death of Stephon Clark at the hands of two Sacramento police officers. The city’s leaders, knowing that the black…
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Corrupt Ex-Sheriff Joe Arpaio Insists on Dying on Racist Hill, Says He’ll Revive ‘Birther’ Theory if Elected
Former Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio refuses to die out of the news cycle. In addition to running to represent the state in the U.S. Senate despite having been convicted of a crime, Arpaio seems insistent on dying on the hill of racism. He recently swore to resume his already debunked conspiracy theory surrounding President Barack…
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Howard Stern to Donald Trump: Get Out of the White House
Radio host Howard Stern is a little annoyed that his friend and frequent guest on his radio show, President Donald Trump, hasn’t reached out to him for advice on how to handle the accusations from porn actress Stormy Daniels. For those of you who don’t wade in thot waters (talking about the president here, not…
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HIV-Positive Maryland School Track Coach Sentenced to 105 Years in Prison on Child-Pornography Charges
A former Maryland middle school aide was sentenced to 105 years in prison on federal child-pornography charges. Back in January, Carlos DeAngelo Bell, who was also a high school track coach, pleaded guilty to coercing children to engage in sexually explicit conduct in order to produce the pornography from 2014 to 2016, the Washington Post…
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Is Journalist April Ryan on a White House Blacklist After Asking About Stormy Daniels?
Veteran journalist April Ryan continues to do the Lord’s work just by walking into the White House—which I’m sure at this point smells like moped smoke and zoo dirt—and asking the tough, hard-hitting questions that no one else is asking. On Tuesday, Ryan noticed that White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka Suckabee, didn’t…
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DMX Plans to Get Out of Jail by Playing His Songs in Court
Look, I’m not one to question anyone’s credentials, but when I heard the cockamamy scheme that attorneys for DMX have planned—to play his music at a Thursday sentencing hearing—the first thing I thought was, “Welp, someone has finally made him lose his mind, up in here, up in here … ” That’s not a joke.…
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Remember the Resource Officer Who Shot the School Shooter in Maryland? It Never Happened
Donald Trump, the National Rifle Association and people who believe in the magical fairy tale of armed school employees preventing school shootings were all forced to eat their words with a supersized cup of “shut the fuck up” Monday, when authorities investigating the case of the Maryland school shooter who was stopped by a “good…
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Who Hacked the ATL? Hijackers Are Holding Atlanta for Ransom and Time Is Running Out
For the past five days, a mysterious group has been holding the city of Atlanta for ransom as federal authorities fight a computer attack that has crippled the city. Federal, local and state authorities are frantically trying to find a solution. More important, in the spirit of transparency, the city unwittingly committed a tactical blunder…