new england patriots
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Wait—Did Mr. All-American Tom Brady Tell Oprah He Has ‘Respect’ for Players Taking a Knee?
I begrudgingly have to admit that Tom Brady, the New England Patriots quarterback I love to hate, is now less hated in the cockles of my heart because of a recent comment Mr. All-American made about the NFL protests. The pretty boy, who was at least at one time friendly with President Donald Trump—but who…
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Aaron Hernandez Struggled With Being Gay: Report
Aaron Hernandez was gay and struggled with his sexuality, according to people close to him. In an Oxygen documentary, Aaron Hernandez Uncovered, his lawyer George Leontire, who is gay and was a member of Hernandez’s defense team, said that Hernandez spoke at length about his sexuality and was conflicted about it. “This man clearly was…
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Is It Racist to Hate the New England Patriots Because They Have Too Many White Players? (Hint: Nope!)
You do not have to search very far to find good and moral reasons to hate the New England Patriots (also, to be clear, this is a sports hate, not a hate hate—hate hates are reserved for soggy chicken wings, cave crickets and Post Malone). In fact, you don’t have to search at all. If…
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I Successfully Didn’t Watch the 2018 Super Bowl. Here’s What That Struggle Looked Like
Because I decided long ago not to watch the NFL this season, not watching the Super Bowl was an easy, if annoying, decision. I love the Super Bowl. I love how we pretend that it truly matters in the grand scheme of things. I love the commercials and the halftime shows and all that jazz.…
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Eagles Fans Tear Down Property and Act a Fool After Super Bowl Win, but Police Show Restraint. Amazing
Philly, this is why you don’t get nice things. The city celebrated its first Super Bowl victory (I mean, congratulations) and gifted us with the image of forlorn New England Patriot Tom Brady sitting on the football field, fresh off of fumbling the damn ball (and we are ever grateful). Both of these things—but especially…
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Can We Talk About Tom Brady Kissing His 11-Year-Old Son on the Mouth for a Long Time?
I believe in father-son affection. I have a son. He’s 3 months old, and I am dreading the day that he finds my kissing his cheek uncool. I also believe that because America doesn’t love black boys, it’s my job as his dad to make sure that he knows at all times that he is…
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A Prayer of Congregation for Those of Us Who’ve Made It to the Super Bowl Without Watching the NFL All Season
If you know like I know, bow your heads. Dear 8-pound, 6-ounce, newborn baby Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly but still omnipotent, I come to you with a prayer of silent struggle. For it is only by your grace that I and many like myself have managed…
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Aaron Hernandez Wanted to Bunk With a Cellmate Whom He Called ‘My Heart’
Former New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez, who was found dead last month in prison, wrote several letters asking to be moved to a different part of the lockup and asked to be allowed to move in with one of his friends from the outside whom he referred to as his “heart.” Five handwritten…
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Speculation: Did Aaron Hernandez Kill Himself to Make Sure His Daughter Was Taken Care Of?
It didn’t take long for rumors and speculation to start circulating about why Aaron Hernandez may have committed suicide. The former New England Patriots star and convicted murderer was found dead in his prison cell Wednesday after having apparently hanged himself less than a week after being acquitted of a separate double murder charge in…
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TrumPutin Won’t Like This: Tom Brady Skipping White House Visit
When the Super Bowl-winning New England Patriots make their visit to the Orange House on Wednesday, arguably the most important player and friend of President Pee-Pee, quarterback Tom Brady won’t be there. Brady cited the president’s overall fuckery and disregard for men, women and children of color as the reason he won’t be making the…