mask
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Fox & Friends to Trump: Please Wear a Mask Over Your Anus-Like Mouth (I’m Paraphrasing a Bit)
The shadow president known to the American public as Fox News is getting tired of Trump’s shit and has asked, practically begged, the president of people who fry snacks to wear a goddamn mask over his anus-shaped pie hole because he’d be modeling good practices and would stop being such a dick. “I think that…
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Joe Biden and Trump Face Off in To Mask or To Be ‘an Absolute Fool’
If Joe Biden could punch President Trump in the face and get away with it, he would. Not because the president deserves it (he totally does), but because Joe Biden just likes punching people in the face. It’s kind of his thing. Biden is the most threatening man left in the battle for president and…
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Trump Finally Dons Mask, Completes the Final Stage of Becoming Bane
President Trump is a senior citizen. The coronavirus hates senior citizens. One of the ways to prevent the spread of the coronavirus is to wear a mask. The president refuses to wear a mask—mostly because he’s a maverick, and by maverick, I mean asshole. But on Thursday, when the gray clouds collided and the city…
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Trump Ignores Michigan Attorney General, Refuses to Wear Mask While Touring Ford Plant, and We Know Why He Won’t
The Michigan attorney general doesn’t have time for Trump’s maskless fuckshit and told him that he has a “legal responsibility”—under state law—to wear a mask when he visits a Ford Motor Co. factory Thursday, or he should not come back to visit factories. “I ask that while you are on tour you respect the great…
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Turns Out That Mike Pence Hot Mic Empty Box Moment Was Just a Joke [Corrected]
Correction: Tuesday, May 8, 2020, 4:58 p.m. EDT: The last time I snitched I was 12. Me and another kid had gotten caught shooting BB guns in the woods and the apartment rental office where I lived found out and threatened to kick us out. They thought the guns were real. My dad walked me…
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Michigan Police Searching for Two Suspects Who Reportedly Killed a Security Guard for Asking a Woman to Wear a Mask
Police in Flint, Mich. are on the lookout for two men who are accused of fatally shooting a Family Dollar security guard on Friday after he asked a woman to put on a mask before entering the store. Michigan has an executive order requiring members of the public to wear masks in enclosed spaces like…
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Vice President's Staff Threaten Retaliation Against Reporter for Tweeting About Pence’s Mask Off Antics
Vice President Pence’s office isn’t a fan of the truth, or at least the truth being leaked over Twitter, so now they’re threatening retaliation against a reporter who tweeted that Pence’s people told journalists to wear a mask during a recent visit to the Mayo Clinic, even though the vice president was going full mask…
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Vice President Mike Pence Is a Crash Test Dummy for Trump
Remember way back to 2017 when Vice President Mike Pence attended a football game between the Indianapolis Colts and the San Francisco 49ers just so he could walk out when players kneeled for the National Anthem? Pence would later tweet: “I left today’s Colts game because @POTUS and I will not dignify any event that…
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Kobe Bryant’s Protective Mask Expected to Fetch $50,000
I don’t think Dwyane Wade was thinking about all the money Kobe Bryant’s protective mask would fetch when he broke his nose and gave him a concussion in the 2012 NBA All-Star Game, but such is life. The two superstars collided, and Bryant was forced to wear one of those protective masks that Richard Hamilton…