lists

  • 5 Ratchet Songs That Also Build Your Self-Esteem

    One of the ways that bougie black people pretend to be ratchet is through the gateway drug that is current mainstream music. On any given Saturday at a day party you can hear the unintelligible musings of Young Thug, who not only wears dresses on occasion but has yet to make a song where I…

  • A Definitive List Of Every Bougie Black Girl Celebrity Crush Of The Last 20 Years

    Judging from the dozens of thirsty Bougie Black Girls on my Facebook page, Twitter feed, and GChat list, within the last week or so Jesse Williams — best known for playing one of the doctors on that Shonda Rhimes show that airs before Scandal — has cemented himself as 2014’s holder of the Bougie Black…

  • 5 Things Weed Makes You Do (Hint: "Attack A Police Officer" Is Not On The List)

    I’ve never smoked weed. It’s illegal in the state of Pennsylvania. And I don’t break the law. Because breaking the law is illegal. And I’m a role model. But, for fun, let’s create an alternative reality where I smoked weed before. Let’s also say I wasn’t a habitual weed smoker, but I smoked enough to…

  • How Not To Be An Asshole On The Internet When Everyone's Upset

    This has been one of the most depressing weeks of news I can remember. Mike Brown. The fallout in Ferguson. #Iftheygunnedmedown and every other reminder that, as Deadspin’s Greg Howard put it, America is Not For Black People. The news of Robin Williams’ death. Learning that he committed suicide. The dozens of powerful, heartbreaking stories…

  • Beyoncé’s 20-Step Guide to Networking for the Socially Awkward

    Networking events can be a struggle for those who consider themselves socially awkward. But the alternative—avoiding meeting new people—could be detrimental to achieving your career goals. The legendary Beyoncé, far from socially awkward, could certainly teach a thing or two about how to work a crowd. With these Beyhive-approved steps, even the most shy and…

  • 10 Thoughts About Beyoncé's Remix of "Flawless"

    1. I found out that there was a remix to “Flawless” – one of my favorite Beyonce songs because it had me saying “I woke up like dis” for months – at exactly 5pm on Sunday, August 3, 2014. I’m guessing this was 17 hours after it dropped online. At the time of my first…

  • 15 Slang Terms and How to Use Them in a Sentence  

    Time magazine has once again “Columbused” a slang term that originated in the black community. Its explanation of the term “bae” is a poor attempt to explain black terminology to the masses. The magazine is a repeat offender in this area, since it has also “explained” the term “twerking” to its readership. It’s almost as…

  • The Dos And Donts Of Throwing A Bachelor Party

    (Damon’s latest at EBONY provides some tips on helping the groom make it through a bachelor party alive) 1. Do not lose the bachelor: This is easily the most important rule. There might be dozens of things happening — shots being taken, clubs being hopped, elephants being herded, more shots being taken, etc — but…

  • Artists Who Probably Only Listen To Their Own Music

    I listen to a lot of comedy stations via Sirius XM in my car. There’s tons of comedy bits by a gazillion comedians and its a great way to kill an hour or two. Well, there was a particular bit by Aziz Ansari talking about the time Kanye West invited him to his house, presumably in…

  • How To Be Really Good At Being A Down-Low Brotha

    Remember back in 2004? When gay Black men pretending to be straight became America’s boogeymen, getting blamed for everything from H.I.V. rates to your half-empty bottle of juice in the office fridge? (“Man. Damn DL brothas must’ve drank my apple juice again. Fuck J.L.King!”) And remember how everyone  — well, everyone except Tyler Perry —…