Former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe only needed to make it until Sunday to reach his 50th birthday and a chance for an early retirement and his pension. But President Donald Trump, who has proved to be the pettiest of bitches, commanded his personal top cop, Jeff “King Keebler” Sessions, to fire McCabe.

In news that would shock only an alien who just landed in the United States on his way to Pluto and was unfamiliar with the legacy of fuckboy shit that the Trump administration has pulled, the Department of Justice, headed by Jeff “King Keebler” Sessions, has pursued fewer civil rights cases than previous…