drunk
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Eric Trump Is the Dumbest Trump. Tiffany Trump: Hold My Bud Light Lime-A-Rita
Before polling began, America would have assumed that Eric Trump was the dumbest Trump. But a new poll from “Fuck these kids” has found that Tiffany Trump is surging in Southern states and places where white people wear shorts all year round despite the weather. Like the human embodiment of pajama pants with some suggestive…
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Catholic School Principal Arrested at a D.C. Strip Club While on Student Field Trip
In a series of incidents that shocked communities Friday, Michael Comeau, a Catholic school principal who was the recipient of a distinguished award for educators, has resigned after he thought it was a good idea to get belligerently drunk, hit up the strip club, then refuse to pay … all while on a school field…
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You Paid for Bottle Service for MAGAholics and You Didn’t Even Know It
Remember back when America was trying to figure out how Donald Trump the business man and Donald Trump the president were going to coexist, considering Trump could, say, host events at, say, a property he owns, like Mar-a-Lago, and, I’m just spitballing here, because he’s the president, the charges would be footed by the American…
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Watch: Trump Sounds Drunk or White-Supremacist-Wasted as He Slurs His Words, Again
Donald Trump has a full set of fake teeth … or at least fake uppers. It’s either that or the president of people who throw iron horseshoes at each other is proof that you can get drunk off Diet Coke because once again he struggled to get his words out. During a rally in Montana,…
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Hearing Postponed for Trump VA Nominee Dr. Ronny Jackson Amid Overprescribing, Drinking Allegations: Report
There is only one qualification for working in Trump’s White House: Trump must like you. That’s it. The president of the United States doesn’t care if you are the lawn-care guy or a housewife (we see you, Betsy DeVos); if he likes you, that’s all he needs to put you in charge of a multimillion-dollar…
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NC Man Charged With DWI Allegedly Got Wildly Sauced off Vanilla Extract
I’ve heard that if you’re ever in a pinch and need to sub in something for vanilla extract, maple syrup will work just as well. Now we also know if you’re ever in need of—I don’t know, getting blindingly drunk and crashing your car into a pole but don’t have any actual booze—vanilla extract will…
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Police Body-Cam Footage Shows Wide Receiver Michael Floyd Asleep at the Wheel
Wide receiver Michael Floyd, who was cut by the Arizona Cardinals a day after being arrested for driving under the influence, was only without a team for a few days before the New England Patriots came calling and claimed him off waivers. But the Pats may want to see if Floyd has a return policy,…
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Mich. Man Who Claims Cops Beat Him So Bad He Lost Vision in 1 Eye Files Lawsuit
A Michigan man has filed a lawsuit against the Eastpointe, Mich., police, claiming that he was strapped to a chair and beaten until he lost vision in one eye, and the entire incident was captured on video. According to Fox 2 Detroit, Frankie Taylor was arrested on drunken driving charges Aug. 10, 2015. In video,…
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On Bachelor Parties And Blackouts
(Editor’s Note: After some thought, I’ve decided to change the title, edit out the hashtag, and remove the references to Jada. Don’t want to be seen as capitalizing on what that girl has had to go through. D. Young) It started with Bellinis. We got there at 2:30. The bottomless was ending at 3. So, in order…