Donald Trump
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Trevor Noah: The Key to a Trump Pardon? Racist Barack Obama Tweets
In a “take me serious” black outfit and yellow heels, Kim Kardashian was all business as she marched her way into the White House Wednesday to speak to Donald Trump about prison reform and pardoning Alice Marie Johnson. Johnson’s story tugged at Kardashian’s heart when she learned about the life sentence without parole she was…
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How Much Does It Cost to Find Out if the Trump Campaign Colluded With the Russians? $17 Million So Far
Robert Mueller was appointed special counsel on May 17, 2017, and tasked with finding out whether or not members of the Trump campaign colluded with Russia to disrupt the 2016 U.S. presidential election. In the year since his appointment, his team has managed to secure guilty pleas from Donald Trump’s foreign policy aide George Papadopoulos,…
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North Korea Won’t Give Up Nuclear Weapons, but It’s Willing to Build a Fast-Food Joint in Honor of Trump: Report
In what might be arguably the weirdest story to come out of the Trump administration, it turns out that North Korea has no intention of giving up nuclear weapons, but it will consider adding a Western-style burger joint in Pyongyang as a show of good faith. Umm, the fuck? How are these two things even…
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Trump Still Hates Jeff Sessions for Being Jeff Sessions
Attorney General Jeff Sessions has always been trash. He openly hates arguably the most peaceful herb of all herbs, and Martin Luther King Jr.’s widow openly despised his ass. That’s right: Coretta Scott King took time out of her busy day to pen a letter to block the 1986 nomination of Jeff Sessions for federal…
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Booing Rudy Giuliani During Yankees Game Was the Wrong Play; He’s Really a Spy for the Resistance
New York is a liberal state, and it has been for quite some time. I’m not including all the racist parts upstate where black people don’t travel—only the five boroughs of New York City and other parts that are accessible by subway. So on the surface, it makes sense that Rudy Giuliani, President Donald Trump’s…
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Trump to Naval Academy Grads: ‘Our Ancestors Tamed a Continent’
I don’t know whose “ancestors” Donald Trump was referring to when he said that they “tamed a continent,” but certainly not mine—nor those of the other hundreds of millions of Americans whose ancestry is not European (pdf). On Friday at a Naval Academy commencement address, your president gleefully proclaimed that “our ancestors tamed a continent,” adding…
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Is the Trump Administration Running a Child-Trafficking Ring or Nah? Follow Me Down the Rabbit Hole
Donald Trump has been the conspiracy whisperer throughout his entire public life. Even before he was president, he was convinced that the Central Park Five were guilty (they weren’t). He spent years claiming that former President Barack Obama was born in Kenya (he wasn’t). He suggested that Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s death may have…
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The Royal Wedding Between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un Just Might Happen
The love affair between these two unstable leaders has been the best episode of Catfish yet. First the president of the United States and the leader of North Korea played all volatile on social media; then Kim Jong Un had a change of heart and was finally ready to meet with his long-distance lover, but…
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No, Seriously. Earth Is Literally Trying to Drain the Swamp, Starting With Donald Trump
I am not a religious person, so I don’t believe in heaven and hell. I don’t think of the devil as some evil being residing just below the earth’s crust, dragging all the evil people down there to live with him for eternity because they were horrible people who deserve to suffer forever. If I…