Donald Trump
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Here's Why Trump Sent That Nonsensical Tweet About the Moon Being 'a Part' of Mars
The president is a goddamn idiot. If the president were in a Jeopardy match between a nonverbal slug and a piece of lint and the president only had to get one question correct the entire game and, if he lost, the world would end, I would say start shooting your shots with all those unattainable…
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For Many Black Voters, Beating ‘The Donald’ in 2020 Trumps Race, Gender or More Progressive Concerns
When it comes to looking ahead to the 2020 presidential election, many black voters aren’t focused on race, gender or who can out-progessive who. They’re focused on ousting Donald Trump from the White House. That’s according to the Los Angeles Times, which notes that while the more progressive nature and strong black base of the…
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Nancy Pelosi to Dems: I Don’t Want to See Him Impeached, I Want to See Him in Jail! Suurrrreeeeee She Does
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told Democrats during a meeting Tuesday night that President Donald Trump’s impeachment isn’t as high on her list as seeing President Donald Trump in prison. According to Politico, Pelosi reportedly made the remark after House Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler asked when, if ever, they could begin an impeachment inquiry. “I don’t…
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RIP Baby Trump Blimp: Woman Stabs Baby Trump Balloon and Is Promptly Arrested
On Tuesday, a woman stabbed a Trump baby blimp to death. A video shot by an onlooker and published by the British tabloid The Sun shows the woman, obviously a supporter of the Grand Wizard of the White House, stabbing the balloon that depicts President Trump in his most accurate depiction—as a baby wearing only…
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Trump Administration Cancels English Classes, Soccer, Ping-Pong, Legal Aid for Migrant Children in U.S. Shelters
Just when you think the Trump administration can fall no lower than they already have, the entire White House hands American their Pabst Blue Ribbon. In what can only be described as gutless and utterly heartless, the Trump administration has canceled all remotely humane activities for migrant children, most of whom are living in cages…
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Texas Teacher Outs Herself on Twitter as MAGA-t Who Wants to Help Trump Round Up 'Illegal Students' in Her School
Georgia Clark is an English teacher in Fort Worth, Texas. Much like the president of the United States, she’s not fond of undocumented immigrants attending Carter-Riverside High School, where she’s been a teacher since 1998. So, Clark decided that she would take to Twitter, much like the president, and make her bigotry known. There was…
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Trump Claims He Doesn’t See the Big-Ass Trump Blimp Baby Protesting His Visit in London
It’s time that we come to accept that the United Kingdom does many things better than the United States. Its healthcare system actually cares about the patients more than the profits. The Office U.K. is easily better than its U.S. counterpart. And the U.K. protests way better than the U.S.; they make robots and fun…
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Someone Get Kim Kardashian on the Phone: Trump's Campaign Chairman Paul Manafort Headed to Rikers Island
I am sure that Kim Kardashian is already on top of this but Paul Manafort, the president’s one-time campaign chairman who’s serving a federal prison sentence, is heading to the notorious Rikers Island jail in New York City where he’s expected to spend his time in solitary confinement while he awaits state fraud charges. Manafort…
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Priorities, Priorities: After Avoiding Meeting Trump, Meghan Markle to Pause Maternity Leave to Celebrate the Queen
The American in the British royal family leveraged her deserved maternity leave to avoid meeting Donald Trump during his current state visit to the United Kingdom (the rest of the royal family was unfortunately not so lucky), but there are some people the Duchess of Sussex will happily come out and celebrate. Elle reports that…
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Trump's Son-in-Law Jared Kushner Claims Racism Doesn't Count If He's Not Involved In It
Jared Kushner, the president’s son-in-law and holder of a top-level security clearance as an adviser to Trump, participated in a one-on-one sit down with Axios on HBO that can only be described as a one-night-stand between a drunken circus clown and a shitshow that then gave birth to a Jared Kushner interview. During the interview…