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  • Racists Invite Themselves to the Cookout

    Aside from a lack of barbecue-based plate-fixing protocol, a group of anti-seasoning activists infiltrated a college’s virtual event by showing up in blackface, bearing a Nazi flag and—worst of all—not even bringing a roll of aluminum foil to a cookout hosted by South Carolina students. This is why we kneel. (Not in protest. We just…

    By

    Michael Harriot

    Published

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    We Said What We Said: 10 Things The Root Wrote About America

    In the 10-plus years since The Root was founded, our writers have always celebrated the Fourth of July with the knowledge that America’s original Independence Day celebration only applied to white men. Since then, this land of freedom and opportunity has graciously allowed its black citizens incremental but not-quite-full access to liberty and justice through…

    By

    Michael Harriot

    Published

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    Authorities Rescind All Invitations to the Cookout

    Citing rampant abuse and the increasing number of black barbecue-goers who mistakenly assumed that they were eating auntie-certified potato salad but somehow ended up with cubed cauliflower and sour cream in their mouths, America’s oldest and most respected governing bodies for negro culinary activities issued a moratorium on all cookout invitations for the foreseeable future.…

    By

    Michael Harriot

    Published

  • 30 Days of Musical Blackness With VSB, Day 30: MAZE featuring Frankie Beverly 'Before I Let Go'
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    30 Days of Musical Blackness With VSB, Day 30: MAZE featuring Frankie Beverly 'Before I Let Go'

    I’m not even sure I need to explain why “Before I Let Go” would be the final song of the 30 Days of Musical Blackness With VSB series. If you’re black and have congregated with other black folks and this song comes on you know it signals one of two things: 1) It’s time to…

    By

    Panama Jackson

    Published

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    The Official Rules for the 2019 Cookout Season

    As the opening day to Cookout Season 2019 approaches, it is the responsibility of the Black Legislative American Cookout Council (BLACC) to keep our constituents informed of the rules. These guidelines have been voted on by a panel of experts that includes: Marvell Clyburn, the 2018 Deviled Egg Champion of the world Jamila McKenzie, a…

    By

    Michael Harriot

    Published

  • I Don’t Care What Y’all Say, If Buzzfeed Brings Down President Trump, I’m Inviting Them To The Cookout [Updated]

    If BuzzFeed’s report that the president told his former lawyer and fixer to lie to Congress about the Moscow Tower turns out to be true and brings down the president, this will be the biggest moment in American history. Therefore, I’m formally requesting that we take a vote to extend one conditional cookout invitation to…

    By

    Stephen A. Crockett Jr.

    Published

  • The Root's 2018 Cookout Awards

    Giving honor to the grillmasters, the Kool-Aid stirrers and even the people whose cooking skills are so deficient that they were only asked to bring cups and napkins, I bring you greetings from the Harriot family cookout where Aunt Marvell is our potato salad-maker. As Labor Day draws near, it also signals the official end…

    By

    Michael Harriot

    Published

  • Why We Don’t Trust White People’s Potato Salad, Explained

    Are you going to ask a question? Because right now you’re just stating facts. Which I appreciate—yay, facts! I just want to know if there’s a question there. Ah. Well, before I answer, I want us all to take some time to watch and appreciate that skit again. Also, just to let you know that…

    By

    Damon Young

    Published

  • The Visitor’s Guide to Cookouts in Wakanda 

    Hello, and welcome to Wakanda! After noticing an increase in tourist visa applications and bookings at the newly renovated Downtown M’Arriott Garden Inn, the staff at the Wakanda Bureau of Tourism would like to offer some advice to first-time visitors to our great empire. Our temperate climate and the success of the documentary Black Panther…

    By

    Michael Harriot

    Published

  • A Blow-by-Blow Account of the Harris Family’s 2016 4th of July Cookout

    Every year we receive so many unbelievable stories, tall tales and arguments about one particular black family’s barbecue. In an effort to dismiss all of these fantastical claims, this year we sent our own reporter undercover to get to the bottom of the facts about the Harris family’s cookout. Although we still haven’t heard from…

    By

    Michael Harriot

    Published