border wall
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Oval Office Confessions: Trump Goes Live on National Television to Talk About His Dumb Wall
Previously on White House Apprentice, we found out that the magical wall of doom your “president” won’t stop talking about was never really supposed to be a thing in the first place. It was revealed that the “wall” was actually a mnemonic meant to help the then-candidate remember to talk about being tough on immigration…
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10 Things They Won't Tell You About the Border Wall
They say: “People will hold on to a beautiful lie before they accept the ugly truth.” The mythical “they,” in this case, is my grandmother. She may have heard it from someone else. If you sourced the quote on Twitter, it was probably the wisest, most quoted figures of all time: Will Smith or Maya…
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Dumb Dullard Donald Trump Is Doing the Damn Most. Again.
Here is your regular reminder that your “president,” Donald Trump, is a big fat liar. He makes bold and ostentatious claims without any evidence, inflates his own ego with his bald-faced lies, and insults the everyday American people with his inane fabrications. This latest one is a doozy. We are in the midst of one…
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Donald Trump Gives a Fake Press Briefing Because Nancy Pelosi Was Getting All the Attention
Your “president” is a stunt queen who manufactures drama. He doesn’t like anyone to get more attention than he does, and he will do anything to put a stop to that. Today was no exception. As you know, the 116th Congress was sworn in today—with Nancy Pelosi reprising her role as speaker of the House.…
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Rep. Hakeem Jeffries and Nancy Pelosi Are on the Same Page About Trump’s ‘Border Wall’
As the government shutdown begins its second week and federal employees and members of the armed forces await final word about paychecks and benefits, New York Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.) found the time to call a thing a thing. In the aftermath of the Super Saiyan Tangerine’s decision to begin a partial government shutdown after…
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Trump Rage Tweets That He’ll ‘Close The Southern Border Entirely’ If He Doesn’t Get Money For His Wall
The wifi signal in the presidential dungeon was at full strength Friday morning as the president woke from his slumber, slaughtered a baby goat, gulped down a warm cup of baby goat blood (it really gets the hate juices flowing) and still had time to rage tweet that he’s going to shut down the entire…
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Donald Trump Tells the Grinch to Hold His Beer: National Christmas Tree Unlit Due to Government Shutdown
The national Christmas tree in Washington, D.C., stood lightless and listless on Christmas Day, a casualty of the partial government shutdown, sending sectors of the country into a whirlwind of delays, stoppages and emergency adjustments to holiday plans. According to the Associated Press, several national parks had closed as a result of the government shutdown…
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Our Government Is Shut Down Because All Trump Wanted for Christmas Was His Border Wall
While the rest of us are scouring Amazon and invading outlet malls to snatch up last minute Christmas gifts, our Commander-in-Tweet really wanted his U.S.-Mexico border wall so damn bad that he killed a bipartisan spending deal that would’ve avoided a government shutdown. As such, we now enter Day 2 of a partial shutdown in…
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MAGA Raises Over $14 Million (and Counting) to Build Trump's Wall But They Might Be Getting Refunds Instead
While the grassroots online campaign We the People Will Fund the Wall—noted for their innate ability to adore nachos while simultaneously hating Mexican people, as well keep a running total of all of their black friends—has raised over $14 million (and counting) in their quest to Make America Caucasian Again, it turns out that their…