Politics
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You Are Not Entitled To Know Someone’s Sexuality
Before I did a remix album and solidified myself as being well-versed in the tops on the charts, I used to be a confused little boy who would try and convince himself that he liked women. Society told me that I was supposed to be straight, so that’s what I attempted to do. Needless to…
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Government Watchdog Wants Kellyanne Conway Fired, but Conway Wants That Smoke: 'Let Me Know When the Jail Sentence Starts'
Kellyanne Conway is a federal employee. As White House counselor, she is basically a well-paid executive branch federal employee, but a federal employee, nonetheless. So, as a White Walker affirmative-action hire, she isn’t supposed to be bashing Democratic presidential candidates. On Thursday, the Office of Special Counsel informed the White House that because Conway can’t…
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Ex-White House Aide Hope Hicks Is Said to Have Agreed to Spill Her Guts Before a House Panel Looking Into Whether Trump Meddled in Russia Probe
Is Donald Trump’s former communications director Hope Hicks getting ready to tell all? According to ABC News, Hicks has agreed to go before the House Judiciary Committee next week to answer lawmakers’ questions about whether Trump meddled in efforts to determine if Russia interfered in the 2016 presidential election. Hicks, who left the White House…
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White People Want Trump
Nothing matters. The 10,796 false or misleading statements don’t matter. The Muslim travel ban doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that his administration literally locked children in cages. That the most powerful man in the country sat in an official meeting and insisted that some black immigrants come from shithole countries doesn’t matter. Excusing white supremacist…
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White House Fills Director of African-American Outreach Left Vacant After Omarosa's Abrupt Departure
Omarosa Manigault Newman Foster Brown Phyllis Hyman left the White House the way that she’s left every house in her life; amid flames and all kinds of rumors. She was the head of Trump’s African American Outreach until she was fired in 2017, but the post had been vacant since because, truthfully, who can fill…
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Trump Is Obsessed With the 'I-Word'—and No, the 'I' Doesn't Stand for Idiot
President Trump knows that the Democrats are split on whether or not to start impeachment proceedings, and while he’s reportedly convinced he won’t be impeached because, in his words, he’s done nothing wrong, that hasn’t stopped him from becoming fixated with the idea, both good and bad, of impeachment. He’s even come up with a…
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GOP Big Mad After Lawmaker Reads Letter on House Floor Calling Trump Supporters ‘Racist’ and ‘Just Plain Dumb’
So I do this thing with my wife where I say how I feel by claiming someone else said it. Example: Some would argue that my cooking is better than yours. Or: I’ve had plenty of people come to me to congratulate me on how I folded the bed sheets. I learned this from…
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I Kept Hearing My Masculinity Was Under Attack by 'The Gay Agenda,' So I Went to Pride to Test This Theory
On June 11, 2016, Omar Mateen—armed with a semi-automatic assault rifle, a 9mm Glock and an insatiable disregard for human life—destroyed 49 innocent lives while causing irreparable harm and suffering to 53 others. The attack has lived on in infamy as the Orlando Nightclub Shooting, site of the deadliest act of violence carried out against…
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Nation’s Treasury Department Is Said to Be a Bastion of White Male Privilege
The Trump administration is well known to be well-stocked in rich, white males, but it turns out the Treasury Department, headed by Steve Mnuchin—himself a rich, white male—may be the richest, whitest and most male of them all. According to Politico, over the last two years, there have been “deepening tensions […] over the diversity…
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Trump Just Held Up a Folded Piece of Paper Claiming It's the Deal With Mexico
I’m a great uncle. As such, I’ve used every tactic in the uncle handbook to bribe my nieces into doing something they don’t want to do. Whom amongst us hasn’t faked like they’ve got Disney World tickets in their pockets to get the little ones to eat their Brussels sprouts? Well, President Trump was in…