Politics
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Bern Victim: If Rumors Are True, Bernie Sanders Is Going to Have to Explain Why He Reportedly Told Elizabeth Warren a Woman Can’t Win
Bernie Sanders, America’s favorite mall kiosk tax preparer, is going to have to do a lot of mansplaining to work himself out of this one. According to reports, during a private meeting in 2018 between him and Elizabeth Warren, the two longtime friends sat down to discuss what was at stake with Trump at the…
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Trump Retweets Photoshopped Image of Nancy Pelosi in a Hijab Because a Muslim Is Obviously More Dangerous Than a Degenerate Wannabe Dictator
There is one joke that never seems to get old with Republican voters; maybe you’ve heard it: It’s the one where everyone pokes fun at people wearing crosses. Wait, you haven’t heard this joke? That’s because people don’t make them. You’d be a douche if you made fun of Christianity but you know what hasn’t…
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The White House Even Lies About the Weather, Tweets Photo of ‘First Snow’ on 70 Degree Day
The White House is so out of touch with reality that on one of the hottest days in January history, the White House shared a photo declaring the first snow of the year. “First snow of the year!” read the photo’s caption, which showed the White House in the background and snow pouring down. The…
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Sen. Cory Booker Drops Out of Presidential Race
On Monday, in a move that we all saw coming, Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.)—he of the wide smile and charismatic optimism that’s almost too good to be true—announced that he’s ending his bid for president. You know what this means? We won’t have a first lady named Rosario! That former Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick is…
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House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to Send Articles of Impeachment to the Senate
Over the past couple of weeks the House and the Senate have been in a standoff over the articles of impeachment. There has been much speculation over when House Speaker Nancy Pelosi would transfer the articles over to the Senate. Now, that speculation can be put to rest. Politico reports that on Friday afternoon, Pelosi…
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Spiritual Guru Didn’t Consult Her 3rd Eye About Presidential Chances and Now She’s Out
Author Marianne Williamson, more commonly referred to as “the kooky lady running for president” ended her 2020 Democratic presidential campaign Friday after many people who are openly Democrat and follow politics were like, “She’s still in the race?” “I stayed in the race to take advantage of every possible opportunity to share our message. With…
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The White House Doesn’t Want You to Know How Much It Costs for Trump to Visit His Shitty Resorts Until After the 2020 Election
Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin-on-Trump’s-nuts just can’t stop pass-blocking for his boo. Besides denying a request by Congress to turn over Trump’s tax documents, he’s now trying to delay revealing how much the Trump family has spent on presidential travel until after the 2020 election and Russia uses Facebook to put Trump back into office. According…
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Elijah Cummings Is Still Setting an Example We Need to Follow
“Donald, EEC passed away.” That was the text message I got from my friend and former colleague just before 6 a.m. on Oct. 17, 2019, alerting me that my former boss, Rep. Elijah E. Cummings, had succumbed to longstanding health challenges just 10 months into his tenure as chairman of the House Committee on Oversight…
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What Da Fuq Is a 409K? Trump Seems to Know
In an attempt to brag on himself once again, President Trump may have hipped us to an exclusive financial plan only allowed to the top one percent. On Thursday, the president tweeted out that the stock market is on the rise and to prove it, he wanted everyone to check their 409Ks! “STOCK MARKET AT…