Politics
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When Former Mayor 'Stop and Frisk' White Rap Battles President ‘Grab 'Em by the Pussy,’ Hilarity Ensues
Two grown-ass adult racist billionaires, without one Gucci belt between them, took to Twitter to shoot the dozens (D.C. call it joaning) or white old guy battle rap, which is basically throwing punchlines without rhyming, because they are both racist and petty AF. President Trump called the racist former mayor of New York, Michael Bloomberg—who…
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Bloomberg Is the Real 'Slim Shady,' Warren Says 'Call Me Maybe' and Voters Ask Biden, ‘What Have You Done for Me Lately?’: 2020 Presidential Black Power Rankings, Week 29
The committee loves Valentine’s Day—not just because it’s an excuse to eat lots of candy and make reservations at places that you never cared about going to so that you actually look like you’ve made an effort because last Valentine’s Day we were waiting in line for hours because you refuse to use NexTable—sorry, I…
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Trump Forgot He Lied, Now Admits He Sent Rudy Giuliani to Ukraine to Dig Up Dirt on Bidens
Trump is out here like a black father who just got his tax returns: You really can’t tell him shit now! Since his impeachment acquittal, Trump’s so hopped up on Adderall, baby calf blood and Russian whore urine that he’s now telling on himself and he doesn’t even give a fuck! During a podcast appearance…
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Attorney General William Barr to Donald Trump: Please Stop Tweeting About Us, You’re Making It Obvious
On Thursday, Attorney General William Barr, aka Evil Fred Flintstone, went on a tirade about his lover/homie/friend President Donald Trump. President Trump “has never asked me to do anything in a criminal case” but should stop tweeting about the Justice Department because his tweets “make it impossible for me to do my job,” Barr said…
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Trump Couldn’t be Briefed on America Because He Was Too Busy Asking About Badgers: ‘Are They Mean to People?’
The President of Highlights children’s magazine couldn’t even be briefed by his then-White House chief of staff Reince Priebus because every time he saw Reince (whose name I always read as “Penis”), he couldn’t stop himself from asking him about badgers. See, Penis Priebus (which would officially make his initials P.P. yep, I’m 7) is…
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Now Former White House Chief of Staff John Kelly Wants to Tell His Truth. GTFOH
Former White House Chief of Staff John Kelly is now telling his truth, which could mean a few things: He’s gotten a grim medical diagnosis and wants to make right with the Lord. He’s got a book to promote. He really hates Trump now and wants to stick it to him. Whatever the reason, Kelly…
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Trump Was Asked What He Learned Since His Impeachment Acquittal. His Answer Went Viral
Why some people still believe that the president of the United States of White Nationalism is still a salvageable piece of roadkill is beyond me. But some reporter found it in himself to ask the president of people who hate seasoning if he’d learned anything from his impeachment acquittal, and the first used colostomy bag…
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London Breed Plans to Use Her Historic Mayorship to Fight for Black San Francisco
London Breed is your homegirl’s favorite homegirl. The San Francisco native was raised by her grandmother in abject poverty. She lived in public housing, and her family of five survived on $900 a month and government-issued groceries. Even with the deck stacked against her, Breed managed to graduate high school with honors and went on…
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All 4 Roger Stone Prosecutors Resign From Case as Trump Congratulates DOJ Head for Cutting His Boy Some Slack
At this point, I’m not sure why Trump is making Attorney General William Barr dance so hard. Maybe he likes watching Barr’s stomach jiggle. Maybe he enjoys knowing just how far the head of the Department of Justice will go to save him. Maybe he’s masochistic. Either way, I’m sure Trump is enjoying the newfound…
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I Can't Believe Black People Might Actually Vote for Michael Bloomberg
First, you try to get free. Margaret Garner tried to get free. On January 28, 1856, Margaret, her husband, their four children and 11 of their fellow enslaved freedom-seekers stole their master’s horse, sleigh and gun and absconded from their Boone County, Ky. plantation owner, Archibald K. Gaines. The family crossed the frozen Ohio River…