Politics
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Biden Comes for Trump’s Saggy Throat: 'I Won’t Traffic in Hate and Fear'—Unless It’s Trump, Because I Hate Him (OK, I’m Paraphrasing a Bit)
Former Vice President Joe Biden is tired of Trump’s hateful and divisive speech. He’s tired of Trump speaking out of both sides of his mouth, and he, like much of America who doesn’t believe that McDonald’s is a sustainable and healthy diet, is just tired of watching Trump grandstand just to grandstand. “When peaceful protesters…
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The Punk-Ass President Had Peaceful Protesters Tear-Gassed So He Wouldn’t Look Like a Bunker Bitch
President Archie Bunker (but more racist and less likable) heard all our jokes about him hiding as police clashed with protesters Friday night, so what did he do? He did the only respectable thing that a punk-ass president would do: he had peaceful protesters tear-gassed outside the White House so that he could walk the…
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Amy Klobuchar Needs to STFU
To understand Amy Klobuchar, all you need to know is how she treats her staff. An aide once carried her bags and a salad onto a plane for a short flight. Once onboard, the aide realized the horrible mistake he made: somewhere between fumbling with the Minnesota senator’s luggage and her lunch, he’d somehow lost…
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Trump Logged Onto John Boyega’s Twitter to Call Protesters ‘THUGS’ and Twitter Wasn’t Having It
The president of white Minneapolis protesters who are only there hoping that someone breaks into a tobacco shop has done it again—and it only took a few days of protesting for it to happen. On Friday, Donald Laqtavious Trump logged onto John Boyega’s Twitter to call the protesters who were livid about the police killing…
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Penn. Democrats Livid After Learning Republicans Hid Member’s Positive Coronavirus Test Fearing Embarrassment
Democrats in Pennsylvania’s House of Representatives are fighting mad after learning that a Republican lawmaker tested positive for the coronavirus and hid the results from other state House members to avoid political embarrassment. According to the New York Times, “Republican House member, Andrew Lewis, confirmed on Wednesday that he received a positive test on May…
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Trump Shares Video Claiming ‘the Only Good Democrat Is a Dead Democrat’
Look, this isn’t Trump’s fault. In truth, he saw white men in cowboy hats and how was he supposed to know that they were promoting killing Democrats? I mean, sure, he could’ve played the video and listened to it but why would he do that? I mean, sure, he wouldn’t let a yokel in a…
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Education Secretary Betsy DeVos Is Trying to Steal Pandemic Aid From Public Schools to Give to Private Institutions
Education Secretary Betsy DeVos continues to be the world’s most ruthless criminal disguised as a caravan mom. DeVos, a member of the notorious South Central rap group P.T.A., is now calling for public institutions to share funding from the Coronavirus Aid, Relief and Economic Security Act, or CARES Act, with private and religious schools that…
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White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany aka ‘McEnanyOfTheState’ Has Voted by Mail 11 Times in 10 Years
Well, what do we have here? Looks like White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany aka McEnanyofTheState has voted by mail…(Rewind!)….Voted by mail….(I said!!!!) Voted by mail….(Can everyone hear me? Turn my mic up! I saiddddddddd…) Voted by mail…The same McEnanyOfTheState “who has vehemently defended President Trump’s baseless tirade against mail-in voting initiatives” has reportedly voted…
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Joe Biden and Trump Face Off in To Mask or To Be ‘an Absolute Fool’
If Joe Biden could punch President Trump in the face and get away with it, he would. Not because the president deserves it (he totally does), but because Joe Biden just likes punching people in the face. It’s kind of his thing. Biden is the most threatening man left in the battle for president and…