Politics
-
Elizabeth Warren Exists
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, an evil, pumpkin-colored king named Dottard Grump ruled the land. Evil King Grump spent most of his days lying, obstructing justice, tweeting and playing golf. At night, he traveled across the kingdom to tell more lies and play more golf, coalescing a consortium of evil…
-
Will Somebody Please Take Boosie’s Phone?: Boosie Badazz Has a Message for Dwyane Wade and Zaya, and It’s Exactly as Stupid as You’d Imagine
So… How come it’s so hard to get Boosie to shut the hell up? How long must we endure him popping up in our news feeds every few weeks with homophobic rant after homophobic rant before some honorable PR guy, friend, family member or colleague of the Baton Rouge, La., rapper gets him away from…
-
Wendy Williams Issues Tearful Apology After Being Blasted for Homophobic, Transphobic Comments
After being torched on Thursday following a tangent she went on — telling men to stop wearing dresses — Wendy Williams is apologizing for her homophobic rhetoric and transphobic transgressions. “I don’t care if you’re gay. You don’t get a menses every 28 days,” the four-time Emmy Award nominated daytime diva stated during the “Hot…
-
When Former Mayor 'Stop and Frisk' White Rap Battles President ‘Grab 'Em by the Pussy,’ Hilarity Ensues
Two grown-ass adult racist billionaires, without one Gucci belt between them, took to Twitter to shoot the dozens (D.C. call it joaning) or white old guy battle rap, which is basically throwing punchlines without rhyming, because they are both racist and petty AF. President Trump called the racist former mayor of New York, Michael Bloomberg—who…
-
Bloomberg Is the Real 'Slim Shady,' Warren Says 'Call Me Maybe' and Voters Ask Biden, ‘What Have You Done for Me Lately?’: 2020 Presidential Black Power Rankings, Week 29
The committee loves Valentine’s Day—not just because it’s an excuse to eat lots of candy and make reservations at places that you never cared about going to so that you actually look like you’ve made an effort because last Valentine’s Day we were waiting in line for hours because you refuse to use NexTable—sorry, I…
-
Trump Forgot He Lied, Now Admits He Sent Rudy Giuliani to Ukraine to Dig Up Dirt on Bidens
Trump is out here like a black father who just got his tax returns: You really can’t tell him shit now! Since his impeachment acquittal, Trump’s so hopped up on Adderall, baby calf blood and Russian whore urine that he’s now telling on himself and he doesn’t even give a fuck! During a podcast appearance…
-
Attorney General William Barr to Donald Trump: Please Stop Tweeting About Us, You’re Making It Obvious
On Thursday, Attorney General William Barr, aka Evil Fred Flintstone, went on a tirade about his lover/homie/friend President Donald Trump. President Trump “has never asked me to do anything in a criminal case” but should stop tweeting about the Justice Department because his tweets “make it impossible for me to do my job,” Barr said…
-
Trump Couldn’t be Briefed on America Because He Was Too Busy Asking About Badgers: ‘Are They Mean to People?’
The President of Highlights children’s magazine couldn’t even be briefed by his then-White House chief of staff Reince Priebus because every time he saw Reince (whose name I always read as “Penis”), he couldn’t stop himself from asking him about badgers. See, Penis Priebus (which would officially make his initials P.P. yep, I’m 7) is…