Politics
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Satan’s Starting 5 Took the Stage for Day 2 of the Republican National Convention
Day 2 of Satan’s pep rally couldn’t even get started before it was bogged down in controversy. Turns out that one of President Trump’s supporters who was set to speak at racism’s national teleconference, commonly called the Republican National Convention, was axed from the starting lineup on Tuesday after she retweeted some anti-Semitic bullshit with…
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Was Donald Trump Jr. on Cocaine? And Other Questions From the First Day of the Republican National Convention
On Monday, Satan had his first Zoom call and the results were a baffling mess of mayonnaise-slathered fuckshit. Day one of the Republican National Convention was basically an all-you-can-eat buffet of clusterfuckness. I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s just start with cocaine, shall we? I’m no doctor, but I play one for The…
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Trump Might Not Know New York Attorney General Letitia James, But He’s Gonna Learn Tuhday
I keep trying to tell y’all this, and I feel like this is not getting to the people in the back, but New York Attorney General Letitia James did not come here to play with you and your little friends. She, of the James family, which includes such luminaries as: LeBron, Jesse, King, Etta, Rick,…
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Kellyanne Conway Is Leaving Trump Administration to Keep Daughter From Posting Family Business on Social Media
Look, The Root uses the same cutoff marker that amusement park rides use to determine who can get on this ride. We don’t fuck with kids unless they are Matt Gaetz’s adopted, but not really adopted, man-boy or Trump’s kids not named Barron. So we won’t be talking about Kellyanne and George Conway’s teenage daughter…
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Day 1 of Satan’s Workshop, aka the Republican National Convention: It’s All About the Trumps
I never thought this day would come. No, seriously, I just figured Trump would be so confident in Russia’s ability to steal a second election that he wouldn’t even bother with a convention, and yet, here we are. Satan’s workshop starts Monday, and there are so many things that must be addressed, but first I…
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Maryanne Trump Barry Describes Her Brother As the Cheating Cretin He Is in Secret Recording
Everybody knows that Donald Trump is a vile human being. Anyone who pretends they don’t is lying, like the many GOP politicians who called him trash before he got elected and then completely pivoted to pretending he is a decent man worthy of the presidency. Anyway, the Washington Post has revealed that Trump’s own sister,…
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The Root's Clapback Mailbag: Fire and Light
I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a styleAnd so I came to see him to listen for a whileAnd there he was this young boy, a stranger to my eyes I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowdI felt he found my letters and read each one out…
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It's Official: Joe Biden Has His Night, The Chicks are Aight, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus Had Twitter Tight
In what can only be called the longest Zoom conference in the history of small box teleconferences, the first-ever virtual Democratic National Convention has come to a close. All of this was supposed to be an in-person event in Milwaukee, but the president fucked up the handling of the coronavirus and here we are. Democrats…
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Judge Rejects Trump’s Challenge to Subpoena, Tells President to Show Manhattan DA What Those Taxes Do
President Donald Trump came all the way to New Orleans to get beads but he doesn’t want to show his taxes. Trump will bend over but he refuses to let his knees touch his elbows. Trump will shake it fast, but he will not, under any circumstances, watch himself. Well, on Thursday, federal judge, Victor…