Thanks to everyone who commented on yesterday's maiden blog, and who e-mailed queries (see below). ย We are off to a very good start!
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One consistent thread that was laced through just about everyone's comments was how awkward it is to use the home training you were raised with (or acquired along the way)ย when the people around you donโt.ย
Some differences are cultural.ย Dreamrequest, I hear you about twitching when children call grownups by their first names.ย Iโve visited a few private schools here in LA where itโs school policy: โwe donโt want to encourage hierarchy,โ the head of school told me.ย โWe think having everyone on a first-name basisโincluding the facultyโgives students ownership of the school.โย
Iโm sure it does, but after I heard a third-grader tell a grown man โBob, can you come over here and help me with this calculation? Iโm not getting it,โ I knew I couldnโt do it.ย Sometimes hierarchy is a good thingโit's probably a good thing in elementary school.ย ย (If my childโs college professors want to be called by their first names, thatโs between him and them.)
Some are universal.ย GTHEFLYEST pointed out how painful it is to listen to young women loudly using language in public that would have made Sugg Knight blanch.ย Like you, G, it makes me winceโespecially when little children are in tow. ย I have actually seen elderly ladies touch these girls on the arm and gently say โbaby, listen to how you sound.ย Youโre too pretty to talk like that.โย And it often works.ย But you have to pick your time and place. ย And it's not just young ladies who, in a friend's grandmother's words, are "of the hue," ย All kinds of girls (and boys) need to clean it up. ย It's not just a black thing.
So, Iโm curious: if you were raised Old School, have you been able to hold fast to your eldersโ teachings?ย Holla back, and share how something someone taught you back in the day still stands you in good stead.ย Maybe youโve even passed it on to the next generation. (If you have examples of how the young folk have adopted or adapted your teachings, do tell.)ย ย ย Write to me at [email protected]ย And remember: parts of your letter may be published.ย
Karen Grigsby Bates is a Los Angeles-based correspondent for NPR News and co-author, with Karen Elyse Hudson, of The New Basic Black: Home Training For Modern Times (Doubleday).
is a Los Angeles-based correspondent for NPR News and co-author, with Karen Elyse Hudson, of The New Basic Black: Home Training For Modern Times (Doubleday).
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