Some Thoughts
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I'm Not Really Into Hyperbole or Whatever but Usher's 'U Don't Have to Call' Is the Best Song Ever Made
Earlier this week, Panama Jackson refreshed and reshared a 2017 piece declaring Mark Morrison’s “Return of The Mack” the best song ever that no one acknowledges is the best song ever. He is wrong for many reasons, including the following: 1. I’m certain that Mark Morrison, the Morrison household, the Morrison family, and the Morrison…
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The Beard You Grow When You’re Fine With a Dollop of Racism but Not 'Everyone, Even My Barber, Knows You're Racist Now' Racism
20 Questions after watching The Bachelor finale last night while the Nets and Knicks game was on commercial breaks: 1. How much racism do you think would have been acceptable to Matt? 2. On the “she’s racist, but she’s cute and I want to bone, and that makes this a difficult decision” spectrum—which I assume…
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It Doesn't Feel Like It's Been a Year
So I was soft-hedging off my man because I knew that the ball-hander would be coming off the screen looking to pass, not shoot. I’d played with him—and most of the rest of the people on the court that evening at LA Fitness—enough to know his tendencies. Whether he liked to turn to his right…
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A List of All the Biases That Prevent Me From Considering Drake One of the Greatest Rappers Ever (Which He, Unfortunately, Is)
1. He reminds me of hotel shampoo so much that I’ve just started calling him Hotel Shampoo. 2. The irrational and disproportionate emotional and spiritual attachment I have to the rappers I listened to and loved when I was younger, which makes it more difficult for a “newer” person to move me. 3. He’s never…
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Did Queen Aoleon Joffer and Cleo McDowell Eventually Bone?
In anticipation of the upcoming Coming to America sequel, we decided to devote a week to some observations, questions, and theories we’ve always had about the iconic original. Reason(s) Why I Think They Eventually Boned: The final scene in Coming to America is Akeem and Lisa’s wedding parade, and all of Zamunda is there to…
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The Fits of Coming to America's Darryl Jenks, Ranked From 'He Looks Warm' to 'WTF Is That?'
In anticipation of the upcoming Coming to America sequel, we decided to devote a week to some observations, questions, and theories we’ve always had about the iconic original. Juicy-headed Darryl Jenks might not have been the first person 10-year-old me was jealous of, but he’s the first person I can remember where I saw them…
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28 Days of Black Joy: My Lush, Opulent, and Juicy Pandemic Beard
Can you be attracted to your own beard? Not the face it covers. Just the beard. My face is fine, I guess. It’s a nose and some eyes and a mouth, like most faces. I’m grateful for it. But I’m not, like, thinking about boning it, like the way I’d try to bone my Chewbacca…