Illustration for article titled Mayor Stop and Frisk Qualifies for Democratic Debate, Wants You to Think He and Obama are Besties
Photo: Brett Carlsen (Getty Images)

In case you needed further proof that this country is continuing its slow descent into chaos, Mayor “Stop and Frisk” himself, billionaire Michael Bloomberg, has managed to buy his way into qualify for tonight’s Democratic debate.

Let’s take a step back, shall we?

Previously, the rules for qualifying for the Democratic debate were very stringent. As Politico described it and The Root Senior Editor Stephen A. Crockett Jr. (the Crockett to my Tubbs, really and truly) reported, the rules were “a combination of increasingly higher polling and fundraising thresholds,” which sounds kind of like the goal posts were continuously moved to make it harder and harder for contenders from marginalized communities to qualify. And maybe that was the reason because suddenly, after all the black and brown people left the race, the Democratic National Committee decided that those rules didn’t matter anymore and they made way for Bloomberg to jump in.

Advertisement

For tonight’s debate, the DNC decided that donor thresholds no longer mattered. And why should they? Michael Bloomberg has more money than God, Jesus and 10 more white people, so he has been able to finance his entire campaign himself without having to rely on donations. Pretty sneaky sis, as the old Connect Four commercial used to say.

Pretty sneaky indeed when you think about the fact that the Democratic playing field has been whittled down to an old white guy, an even older white guy, a super rich old white guy, an older white woman who once claimed she was Native American, a white dude who still can’t prove he knows or likes any black people, and some white chick who ate a salad with a comb.

Advertisement

Let’s be honest; the only person making it out of this alive is the super rich old white guy, and the reason he is going to make it out is not because he is the best candidate but because he has enough money to throw around (and keep throwing around) until he has bought up all the space in the room—leaving little for anyone else.

I play Grand Theft Auto V almost nightly online. When I am in the lobby, I fly around on my Oppressor Mk II blowing up unsuspecting players and their cars. Every time I blow up someone’s car, I have to pay for it, but I have almost $200 million in GTA money, so that shit doesn’t matter to me. I have enough money in my GTA bank account to blow up all the cars I want all night every single night, and it would be a long time before I ran out of money. In fact, I will likely get thrown into the bad sport lobby for blowing up cars before I run out of money. I am what is known as a griefer in the gaming world.

Advertisement

Michael Bloomberg is a griefer. He doesn’t give a fuck about being president or fixing this country or righting the wrongs and making things better for the American people. He’s just here to wave his dick money in our faces and show that he has the cash to push everyone else out.

That’s fine. Since we are going to have him here, hopefully he will be asked the right things.

Advertisement

For instance, we need to continue to hold his feet to the fire over stop and frisk; let’s not take our collective foot off this bama’s neck about this issue. He doesn’t get to wriggle past it, especially with all the audio and video coming out showing him championing the cause and disparaging people of color. Speaking of which…

Ask this bama why he thinks trotting Barack Obama out as his “black friend” is a good strategy. Oh, you ain’t know? Bloomberg has a new ad (h/t The Hill) where he boasts about working with Obama to “combat gun violence, and again to improve education for every child.”

Advertisement

The ad features a clip of Obama speaking at a 2013 event, during which he says, “And I want to thank the mayor of this great city, Mayor Bloomberg, for his extraordinary leadership. And I share your determination to bring this country together to finally make progress for the American people.”

The way the ad is set up, you would think Obama was endorsing Bloomberg for president, and that is intentional. Too bad there is already another old white guy who already called dibs on Obama being his “black friend.”

Advertisement

But what we really need to know about is all the confidentiality agreements Bloomberg has reportedly had women sign after they’ve accused him of making inappropriate comments toward them in the workplace (h/t WaPo).

The story goes that at his 48th birthday party in 1990, a woman presented Bloomberg with a book full of all the profane and sexist comments he had made to women over the years, including such gems as “A good salesperson is like a man who tries to pick up women at a bar by saying, ‘Do you want to f—-?’ He gets turned down a lot — but he gets f——- a lot, too!”

Advertisement

Yeah. That’s not all though.

One woman sued Bloomberg because when she was a saleswoman working for him and he found out she was pregnant, he told her to “kill it.”

Advertisement

Bloomberg denied that allegation under oath, the Post reports, and he settled with her “confidentially.”

The Post looked into the claims made against Bloomberg over the years and found the cases don’t involve sexual misconduct but rather Bloomberg’s inability to speak to women respectfully. In one incident, Bloomberg was posing for a photo with two employees and when he saw another female employee standing nearby, he asked her “Why didn’t they ask you to be in the picture? I guess they saw your face.”

Advertisement

Classy.

And by “classy,” I mean what a fucking rich entitled asshole with too much time on his hands.

Advertisement

So yeah. This is the guy who bought his way into the Democratic debate, and if he has his way, this is the guy that will be the choice that is not Donald Trump come November.

Good luck, everybody.

News Editor for The Root. I said what I said. Period.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter