All across social media and group chats, discussions surrounding “submissive wives” have become a major part of modern dating conversation. Circulating through online gender wars and red pill podcasts, it’s been stretched to mean everything from mutual partnership to outright control. That said, there’s no better time to revisit the biblical origins of what “submission” truly means.
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The Root caught up with Pastor A. R. Bernard — founding pastor of Christian Cultural Center — to revisit the biblical framework behind submission and how it has been interpreted, debated, and often distorted over time. Per the spiritual leader, the act affirms respect and dignity, calls for discernment, and shouldn’t be defined by culture.
Christianity Affirms Equal Dignity
“Once submission is demanded, it’s already distorted,” Bernard said. “Christianity affirms equal dignity — men and women are etiologically equal. Equal in person, under the image of God, but different in function,” he added, urging that “distinction is not discrimination.”
Rather than thinking of submission as a weakness, Pastor Bernard urges folks to focus on “alignment.” Taking it a step further, the Christian leader maintains that when correctly understood, it is a source of spiritual authority, relational health, and moral clarity. Whether it’s submission to God and his word, or in the context of marriage, a woman understands she’s in alignment or agreement with her husband.
“The husband, if he’s rightly aligned with God — as [scripture] says ‘Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church — then it’s all about submission… not submission defined by culture, which is important.”
Submission Calls for Discernment
Are we as women called to be submissive regardless of the relationship conditions? Bernards says in this instance, discernment is your best friend.
“If he is not loving her as Christ loves the church, then he will not be in her best interest. He will be motivated by self, and that becomes a problem,” the spiritual leader told The Root. “The expectation is that the husband aligns himself with the leadership of Christ, which allows the wife — frees the wife, liberates the wife — to align herself with the leadership of her husband.”
Biblically, the discussion is moved from “who’s in charge” to “how is power being exercised?” It’s this distinction that allows us to have order and respect in our relationships, even beyond romance.
“Jesus should become the interpretive lens, to which we see and understand power in relationships. Whether it’s husband and wife, or whether it’s in society with elected officials or leadership.”
Rhetoric Debunked: ‘Submit One to Another’
While social media might make you think that submission is solely a woman’s role, biblical scripture says otherwise. Ephesians 5:21 directs readers to “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” You heard that correctly, submission goes both ways — a far cry from “red pill” rhetoric.
“There’s mutual submission in the relationship. He is to love her sacrificially, redemptively, and unconditionally,” Bernard said. “That’s how Christ loved the church, so that’s the stand he has to live up to. And she has a right to hold him to that.
“A wife’s submission is not the silencing of her voice, but the channeling of her influence within covenantal love… In the passage, it says that they are to honor each other as brothers and sisters in the Lord. Which means beside the covenant of marriage, they are also in the context of their relationship with Christ, equal as brothers and sisters in the Lord.”
Culture Shouldn’t Define Relationships
Pastor Bernard says he’s unwilling to let popular culture dictate how marriage and relationships should function, instead arguing instead for a biblically grounded approach. While he acknowledges that red pill ideology resonates with some because it validates real frustrations, Bernard maintains that his understanding of gender, power, and partnership remains rooted in scripture — not social media trends.
“I don’t use the matrix as my source to understand the relationship between men and women. So I’m very careful not to draw from these cultural ideas about the power between men and women,” Bernard said. “I’m going to be biblically informed when it comes to my understanding of gender power in society.”
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