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The Root's Clapback Mailbag: For Your Consideration
One day soon, we’re probably going to have the Clapback Mailbag Awards. We’re working on a sponsor to present this idea with the prestige it deserves. Hopefully, we can convince a mail company like UPS or FedEx to pony up the money for the statues (which will probably be called the “golden envelope”). Or maybe…
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Here’s How Many People Police Killed in 2018
In March 2018, cops in Sacramento, California, fired at least 20 bullets at 22-year-old Stephon Clark, killing him. He was unarmed and running away. In June 2018, a Pittsburgh police officer killed 17-year-old Antwon Rose, shooting him in the back. He was unarmed and fleeing. In November, a Hoover, Alabama, police officer killed 22-year-old Emantic…
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Umar Johnson Doesn't Announce Location of His Academy of (Con) Arts and Sciences … Again
The Honorable Dr. Umar Ifatunde GoFundme Johnson, great-grand-playcousin to Frederick Douglas, the most requested bullshitter in the Unconscious Community, Big P.O.P.A. (Prince of Panhandling Arts), the ride-or-dashiki school nurse who vowed to one day Make Hotep Great Again, has announced the location of his long-awaited Hogwarts School for Gifted and Talented. No one in America…
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The 2019 List of Things Black People Are Too Ashamed to Talk About
You’ve seen them before. They are your friends, neighbors and coworkers. They lurk in the shadows bouncing back and forth on the balls of their feet like a skilled double-dutch dancer ready to hop between the twirling ropes and derail any conversation about race, police brutality, politics, or white supremacy. They are opinionated, they are…
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Man Attacks Black Female McDonald’s Worker, Receives Large Surprise Order of ‘That Smoke’
A viral Facebook video of a man physically assaulting a Florida Mcdonald’s employee had a happy ending when the man was arrested, after the woman generously decided to give her attacker a lifetime supply of Filet-o’-Fist sandwiches. Facebook user TJ Biandudi posted a video he says was filmed by his mother and sister when they…
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Dispatches From The Kwanzaa Kid: How I Killed the Kwanzaa Carol
If I’m ever sent to prison on charges of first-degree blackness or mayonnaise-related hate speech, I will probably have to do my time in solitary confinement. I’m pretty sure there are prison gangs that are waiting to stab me with a shank made out of a Bic pen to get a teardrop tattoo symbolizing that…
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#StabbyGabby Spits, Slaps, Screams N-Word and Pulls Knife on Black Family Over Parking Space
A woman was caught on video screaming the n-word and pulling a knife on a black family in an Oregon parking lot, perfectly encapsulating white America’s shenanigans in 2018. On Dec. 24, 20-year-old Emora Roberson captured rare footage of what is either an irate racist albino ferret or a quickly decomposing white woman in the…
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Dispatches From The Kwanzaa Kid: The Kwanzaa Pants Fight
I don’t know why people dislike fights. I don’t think there is anything wrong with equally matched competitors mutually agreeing to a physical altercation. In my hometown, fighting wasn’t just a rite of passage, it was a legitimate way to solve disputes. Where I’m from, one didn’t have to be mad or angry to engage…
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Dispatches From The Kwanzaa Kid: How the Grinch Stole Ujamaa
Here’s a lie you often hear: “I grew up in the hood. And because I was smart, all the cool kids and the gangstas bullied me and beat me up.” If you talk to anyone who ever knew me, none of them would describe me as cool. Even though I was the least intimidating person…
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The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: Birds, Boxes and Other Bullshit No One Believes
So, ummm … about this Birdbox thing. Wait. We’ll get to that. But before that, y’all know what this is. Our clapback congregation meets weekly to discuss these matters. Each Friday, we faithfully go through the emails, comments, tweets and messages to explain, apologize or elaborate on the things that caused consternation among The Root’s…
