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Sounds About White: Colonizer 'Artist' Gentrifies African Desert With Whitest Song Ever
One day in the not-too-distant future, when the nearest star to our galaxy suddenly collapses, a group of astrophysicists from around the globe will convene to discuss the theoretical physics of the interplanetary incident. One of these researchers, we shall call him Chadwick, will bravely step forward and propose a manned space flight to examine…
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You Can’t Be Mad at Big Boi and Travis Scott If You Watch the NFL
Oh, sometimes as we struggle it will be necessary to boycott. But let us remember as we boycott that a boycott is never an end. A boycott is merely means to awaken within the oppressor the sense of shame and to let him know that we don’t like how we are being treated. – Martin…
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Racist Shows Up to Harass Black Woman at Press Conference Announcing He Won't Be Charged For Harassing Black Woman
At a press conference, Monday, Vermont’s chief law enforcement officer almost completed one of the greatest performances of whitesplaining in recent history as he announced that he wouldn’t file charges against a white nationalist who allegedly stalked, harassed and terrified one of the state’s only black lawmakers. As Vermont Attorney General T.J. Donovan described the…
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Man Leaves 2 Pounds of Weed in Uber, Tries to Retrieve It From Cops
A Pennsylvania man who was clearly trying to spread joy to the world during the holiday season discovered that securing the bag was not as easy as it looks. After he tried to retrieve two pounds of marijuana he allegedly left in an Uber, he found himself in handcuffs. WXPI reports that the driver of…
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NJ Officials Are Still Targeting the High School Wrestler Who Was Forced to Cut His Dreadlocks
A New Jersey high school student whose dreadlocks were lopped off after he was forced to choose between forfeiting a wrestling match or cutting his hair, is still being scrutinized about his hairstyle, according to the teen’s attorney. NBC reports that Buena High School student Andrew Johnson is still getting grief about his recently shortened…
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Black Twitter Provides Generous Donation of Shade After Travis Scott, Big Boi Agree to Perform at Super Bowl
Kylie Jenner’s boyfriend and the half of Outkast not named Andre 3000 are set to perform at the Super Bowl Halftime show with the Great Value Rolling Stones after the National Football League announced that Big Boi and Travis Scott will join Maroon 5 at Super Bowl LIII (which is, appropriately, almost “liiit”), marking the…
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North Carolina Man Arrested After Video of Him Brutally Punching Black Girl Goes Viral
A North Carolina man was arrested on Saturday after video showed him pushing and punching a girl at a local mall as he was surrounded by dozens of onlookers. Asheville, North Carolina, authorities arrested 51-year-old David Steven Bell shortly after video circulated on social media showing a man suspected to be him shoving a child…
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People Are Buying a 27-Pound Bucket of Macaroni and Cheese. This Is Why Jesus Wept
A brief list of the whitest things I’ve ever seen: An obviously drunk white woman with “Roll Tide” painted on the sagging buttocks area of a pair of ill-fitting Daisy Dukes doing the “funky worm” on the floor during a traditional Indian wedding reception while the “Electric Slide” was playing. A polar bear/Steve King (tie)…
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The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: What Anyone Would Do
A few weeks ago, I went to a comedy show to see one of my best friends perform. As I walked in, I noticed a dude wearing a dashiki and a baseball cap with a silhouette of Africa and his white girlfriend whispering and staring at me. Since I figured out that my mother had…
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How Kamala Harris, a Tweet and a Pink and Green ‘Screech’ Proves We Need More Black Journalists
Just below the reported Lord and Savior Jesus Christ; immediately after the quiet white kid in class wearing the trenchcoat who doodles swastikas in the margins of his Social Studies book; ranks the third-place winner of people you don’t want mad at you: Black women. So it is with extreme sorrow that we bring you…
