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‘Triggered’ By Hecklers, Donald Trump Jr. Bolts Book Signing Event
Second-generation dimwit and acclaimed hair gel consumer Donald Trump Jr. bolted from an appearance at a California college after he was heckled by MAGA-maniacs who were upset by his refusal to answer questions. Dotard Trump Jr., scheduled a Sunday appearance at the University of California, Los Angeles to promote his new book, ironically titled: Triggered:…
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Pro Tennis Player Serves 'That Smoke' After Disrespectful Handshake
A black professional woman’s tennis player graciously offered her Canadian counterpart the opportunity to participate in an American ceremony known as “the throwing of hands” after the Caucasian Canuck reportedly exercised a little too much aggression during a post-match handshake. The fisticuffs began shortly after 20-year-old Canadian Katherine Sebov defeated 18-year-old Alycia Parks in straight…
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The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: Thots and Prayers
Time for your weekly edition of the Clapback Mailbag. Got something on your mind? Email the bag of fun. *Editor’s note: Michael, this sounds vaguely familiar. Are you sure you wrote this? **Writer’s note: Don’t worry, nothing like this exists on the internet. Trust me. We might as well go ahead and get this shit…
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Is the Top of the Refrigerator a Shelf? A Black Supreme Court Decision
As appointees to the Black Supreme Court, we are often called upon to settle the difficult issues of our time. Over the past two years, this court has found itself smack dab in the center of some of the most contentious cultural debates including: Which one is the Big Joker? Can Donald Trump read? Who…
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23 Years a Slave: Restaurant Owner Gets Bullshit Sentence for Enslaving Intellectually Disabled Black Man
A South Carolina restauranteur was sentenced to prison after admitting he used violence, threats, and intimidation to force a black man to work more than 100 hours a week with no pay in a stunning case of throwback slavery. On Monday, U.S. District Court Judge R. Bryan Harwell sentenced 54-year-old Bobby Paul Edwards to 10…
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The Keynote Address From #BeckyCon2019
Today, the hashtag #BeckyCon2019 exploded on Twitter. It began when whistleblower Gail Simone noticed a blatant expression of white privilege on a plane, and recognized a conference attendee traveling to the inaugural conference. A joint effort between the Hallmark Channel and Oil of Olay, #BeckyCon2019 is a gathering of sundry white women seeking more information…
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High School Football Coach Resigns After Screaming: ‘White Power…I Still Love You Ni**ers!’
An assistant coach at a North Carolina High School has resigned after a video of him celebrating a victory by calling his players the n-word was posted to Facebook’s less racist sister site, Instagram. But don’t despair, the coach insists he is not racist because he claims he has permission to use the word. And,…
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NYPD Says It Was ‘Stabbed in the Back’ Because Voters Won’t Let Them Lie and Kill With Impunity
New York Police Department officials are upset over the passage of a ballot measure that gives a civilian oversight watchdog more authority to investigate police officers who lie during investigations into police brutality, corruption and misconduct. “Today the NYPD was stabbed in the back by the very same people we swore to protect,” Sergeant Benevolent…
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Is Donald Trump Planning to Invade Mexico?
After punking out on the Kurds like Joffrey in the Battle of Blackwater, Commander in Chief and yellow-bellied bone spur sufferer Donald Trump has offered the services of the U.S. Armed forces to help Mexico defend its dwindling supply of white people. On Monday, nine members of a prominent American-Mexican family, including three women and…
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Oh, the Irony! White Woman Who Called Cops on Black Woman for Napping Wants Police to Release the Video
A white woman who made headlines for summoning plantation overseers police officers after she was threatened by an aggressively napping black woman has now taken up the mantle for criminal justice reform, criticizing law enforcement officials for being “hostile” and for refusing to release bodycam footage of the— Hold up. Let me finish laughing and…
