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Yale University and the Curious Craze of ‘White-Peopleing’
When I was a little kid, my mother forbade me and my sisters to hit each other. Sometimes, however, when we were really mad, we would push each other into a corner, start swinging our arms wildly and scream, “I was doing this first.” We’d inform the person in the corner that they were free…
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Stop Pretending to Be Shocked at Homophobia in the Black Community
Do you remember how shocked white people acted a couple of years ago when a video surfaced of a group of Sigma Alpha Epsilon members at the University of Oklahoma chanting about how they’d never let a “nigger” into their fraternity? Can you recollect how Caucasians publicly caught the vapors when they heard the audio…
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‘Dear White People’: The Secret White Email That Started the Netflix Boycott
On Wednesday, butt-hurt wypipo everywhere joined together to boycott Netflix because of the trailer for the new show Dear White People. After Issa Rae’s Insecure and Russian spies exposed America’s secret white email network last year, we managed to hack into the white server and unearth the email that started the entire Netflix controversy: Dear…
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Everything You Wanted to Know About the Atlanta Terrorist Attacks
Donald Trump’s press secretary, Sean Spicer, has repeatedly referred to a terrorist attack in Atlanta during White House press briefings and in one-on-one interviews. Many people are perplexed because there hasn’t been any news about an Atlanta attack. Luckily, we are here to answer all of your questions. Wait—there was a terrorist attack in Atlanta?…
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A Response From One of Chicago’s ‘Top Gang Thugs’
A few days ago, President Donald Trump convened a panel of America’s top black shuckers and jivers for a breakfast to celebrate Black History Month. Besides the revelation that the ghost of Frederick Douglass has a publicity team to boost his post-mortem public profile, the meeting was mostly about Trump’s feud with CNN and his…
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Breaking News: Donald Trump Tells the Truth
We interrupt your Facebook scrolling, Candy Crush game, tweets or whatever you were doing (although we can’t imagine what you’d be doing on the internet besides reading The Root) to bring you this important announcement: News agencies across the country are reporting the collective, nationwide shock at the unthinkable incident that happened on Fox News…
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Everything I Know About Black History I Learned in the Middle Room
In 1952 my grandfather built a house for his wife and six children in a small South Carolina town. The house had four bedrooms, one bathroom, a dining room and a living room you could enter only if you were dressed in your Sunday best or entertaining company or if somebody had died. After my…
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Everything You Wanted to Know About the Beyoncé Babies but Were Afraid to Ask
The entire world got a case of the vapors yesterday when word spread that Beyoncé is pregnant with twins. However, there are still some people who are clueless about this situation. If we are to come together as a nation—as the Declaration of Independence states—there are some truths we must find to be self-evident. And…
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For Wypipo Who Have Considered Interrupting When Listening Is Enuf
There are invaluable life lessons passed down through generations of black people like invisible family heirlooms. Some are instilled by parents, experience or society, but the most critical ones are learned through a mysterious black osmosis. The first time I heard “soul clapping,” I knew exactly what it meant and how to do it. When…
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The Last Black History Month
After Donald Trump issued a statement that refused to acknowledge the 6 million Jews slaughtered by Nazi Germany during the 1940s on International Holocaust Remembrance Day Friday, black America should prepare ourselves for what may be the last Black History Month. I’m sure many of you doubt that the Cheddar Comb-Over could erase a tradition…
