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On Watching a Black Woman Let Wypipo Touch Her Hair
At the intersection of divine providence and the collection of complex chemical reactions that cause us to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide and that we have chosen to call “life,” there still exists a nether region that can be explained only by the ancient African proverb, “Shit happens.” Shit happened to me last night. Well,…
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2 NYPD Cops Charged With Raping Teenager in Police Van
After listening to evidence for a week, a grand jury has charged two officers in the New York City Police Department with the first-degree rape of an 18-year-old woman. According to the New York Post, Officers Eddie Martins and Richard Hall are alleged to have detained the victim in the city’s Brooklyn borough on Sept.…
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Chrisette Michele Becomes 1st Black Woman to Cry White Tears After Label, Black People Kick Her to Curb
Our “bridge” is falling down. It was only a few months ago that Chrisette Michele peered into an envelope containing a check and proposal from Orange Hitler, chunked up the deuces to the black community and hopped into a limo to be the featured shucker at Donald Trump’s white supremacist takeover bash inauguration concert. Saying…
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The Caucasian’s Guide to Halloween Costumes
Editor’s note: This article originally appeared in “White-People Quarterly.” For a subscription, please consult your local pumpkin-spice retailer. For years, brain scientists and education experts have searched for a way to make white people understand what not to wear to Halloween parties. In the 2016 annual secret Global White People’s Convention, a vote to issue…
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Fake-News Friday: Confessions From a Secret KKK Collaborator
I’m sure that many of you have heard the news by now that one of the most respected sites in journalism has uncovered evidence of my involvement with the Ku Klux Klan. I will not impugn the journalistic integrity of the reporter who unearthed the documents; in fact, I don’t even deny the charges. I…
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White Supremacists Have Scheduled a Sequel to Charlottesville, Va., for Saturday in Tennessee
Gobs of half-literate, thick-tongued troglodytes will convene in Shelbyville and Murfreesboro, Tenn., on Saturday to fight for the rights of the great, marginalized white race. What: The residents of Shelbyville are bracing themselves for another racistpalooza held by two groups—including one of the most prominent organizations from Charlottesville, Va.’s Unite the Right rally, which produced…
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The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: Unanswered Questions
It’s clapback Friday, and you know what that means: Time for me to sit down and write another introduction for the emails, tweets and comments that The Root receives during the week. This week’s clapbacks are dedicated to all the white people who email us with recurring themes, namely: Why are black people so stupid…
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Even Republicans Agree That Marijuana Prohibition Is Stupid
I’m not saying that having Donald Trump as president is making everyone wish they were high, but a new poll reveals that Americans’ attitudes about the use and legalization of marijuana are quickly changing. Gallup has been doing polls on public support for and acceptance of Mary Jane for nearly half a century. Their latest…
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We Told Y’all: New Study Reveals How Every Phase of Criminal-Justice System Favors Whites
I won’t lie—I love studies. You can argue with someone about an issue for days, but that person will always disagree. People can twist statistics to fit any narrative. When debating race, some skeptics (usually white people, racists and black men with no facial hair) are willing to easily dismiss your assertions if you don’t…
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The 10 Scariest Black People
It’s Halloween season, which means being forced to pretend you don’t want to choke-slam old ladies for giving you marshmallow circus peanuts or candy corn (or, as I call it, “the devil’s butt plug”). Halloween is also the time when we celebrate being intentionally frightened because the holiday commemorates … ummm … you know what?…
