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Abolish All These Damn Zoom Work Calls So I Can Be Naked While Working at Home Again
So it’s not so much that working while naked is a thing I need to do. I’m anemic, so I get cold easily. (I am the person who, immediately after checking into a hotel room, turns the thermostat to 80, leaves and doesn’t come back until the room is sufficiently toasty.) And it doesn’t feel…
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Exclusive: Photos of the Los Angeles Clippers Guarding Luka Doncic During Sunday's Overtime Thriller
Here’s some shots of Reggie Jackson contesting Luka’s game-winning step-back. Here’s a really good one of Marcus Morris getting switched on to Luka in the fourth quarter. Paul George also took a stab at guarding Luka. I got a great shot of that too. Kawhi Leonard was mostly successful when defending Luka, which is why Doc…
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New York City Is Dead, Because I Killed It When I Left and Went Back Home to Pittsburgh: An Essay About Murder
“The city is dead,” I said, aloud, to no one, while each step I took crashed the same cement I’d fallen in love with. The pizza box I lugged with me—filled, just 32 minutes earlier, with a New York City pizza slice—was empty, except for crumbs. Heh. A metaphor, for the dead city. “A metaphor,…
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Abolish Gutless White Journalists Saying 'America' When They Clearly Mean 'White America'
You cannot read Ethan Strauss’s piece on the NBA’s rating problems without a subscription to The Athletic. Fortunately, you do not need to read it to have read it, because his 25-character tweet accurately synopsizes the 2,000 words behind the paywall. In it, Strauss stretches himself into logical origami to determine that the NBA’s very…
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The Best Part of Lovecraft Country's Premiere? What Happens to the Racist-est Racists
Of the several nits I have to pick with Watchmen—a show I am still infatuated with—the most prominent (and also the pettiest) is that the murderous racists didn’t die violent and painful enough deaths. One (Senator Keene) was literally liquified because of his own ego, and the other racists were zapped to oblivion by Lady…
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Anxiety Is for Girls, Gays, Wimps, and White People
The second biggest lie that I allow people who’ve read my book, and who’ve heard me speak about my book, to believe is that I’m brave. “How did you find the courage,” they ask, during Q&As at independent bookstores, and through emails and (now) Zoom talks, “to be so forthcoming and vulnerable about your neuroses…
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COVID-19 Made Me a One-Issue Voter: Get the Man Responsible for 165,000 American Deaths the Fuck Out
So I guess there’s no point in belaboring my premise since it’s right there, with a bullhorn, in the title, but I do want to clarify. Getting the motherfucker(s) most responsible for the way COVID-19 has devastated America the fuck out of office is the thing I care about most right now. But it’s not…
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Why (Some) Men Seem to be So Bothered by Cardi B's 'WAP,' Explained
This is dumb. What? Your entire premise. What’s wrong with it? Why would anyone in their right mind be bothered by waffles and pancakes? They’re delicious breakfast and brunch staples. The Anthony Davis of breakfast and brunch. And, even if you had celiac disease, there are gluten-free options. Do these men hate french toast too?…
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Here's Some Songs, Presented Today for No Reason Whatsoever, About PHAD (Presumably Hard-Ass Dicks)
1. “Too Close” Next Was a very popular club song in college. I don’t listen to the words of R&B songs, so didn’t realize it was about hard dicks until years later. Many years later. Too many years later. Like last year. 2. “Magic Stick” 50 Cent 3. “Dogshit” Ol’ Dirty Bastard Another college-related memory…
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If Kanye Somehow Stays in the Presidential Race, It'll Hurt Trump, Not Biden
“No, I don’t have any bottled water” was my reply, 12 years ago, when two women—one of whom I was dating; the other was her friend—visited my apartment for the first time. I’d just offered the friend some Kool-Aid, and she looked at me like I’d just offered her a glass of elephant backwash, and…
