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We Didn't Deserve Michelle Obama: A Post-Apocalyptic Tale Of Immortan Trump And American Stupidity
220 years from now, when Earth finally starts to recover from the post-apocalyptic hellscape of the 22nd century, the planet’s remaining survivors will begin emerge from their nested catacombs near the Earth’s core. They will be a stark and severe people; the unrelenting sobriety of their collective countenances will both mimic the land and be…
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What's The "Blackest" Last Name? Washington, Jefferson, Jackson, Or Jenkins?
What’s The “Blackest” Last Name? It’s a question that has plagued us for forever. (And by “us” I mean “me” and by “forever” I mean “since like Wednesday, when I first thought about writing this.”) Out of all of America’s most popular surnames, which is the “Blackest?” And it’s a question that leads to other…
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How Ryan Lochte Is The Worst Type Of "White Boy Bro," Explained
Who is Ryan Lochte? Ryan Lochte is a reanimated collection of discarded beer pong red cups repurposed and stuffed into a Von Dutch trucker hat. He can also swim really, really fast. Where is he from? Rochester, NY. Which is a poor man’s Buffalo. Which is a poor man’s Cleveland. Which is a poor man’s…
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This Sorority Recruitment Video Is The Scariest Fucking Thing I've Ever Seen And Will Give You Nightmares
There really isn’t much I can say to describe the sublime horror captured on this video. Except perhaps that it’s all there. In 39 seconds of film, the University of Texas’s Alpha Delta Pi chapter somehow managed to incorporate every element of every nightmare I’ve ever had. There’s the preternaturally and eerily chipper voices. Like a…
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Dear Men Who Very Obviously Hate Women: Do Yourselves A Favor And Just Admit It!
The idea that overt and unambiguous racism is preferable to subtler forms of prejudice is not a terribly uncommon one among Black people. Of course, like Tyga’s music and soft chicken wings, all racism is really bad. But if given the choice between clear racism and concealed and/or confusing racism, many of us (myself included) would choose…
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Cam Newton Says Black People Are Over Racism; Black People Just Want Cam To Stop Dressing Like Our Aunties On A Cruise
Earlier today, a GQ profile of superstar quarterback Cam Newton dropped. It’s the type of story GQ has run thousands of times; spend a couple days with a handsome and famous man, marvel at how he’s regarded by “regular” people, ask him about space and shit, and take dozens of pictures of him dressed in…
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Why Nate Parker's College Rape Accusations Resurfacing Isn't Because Of Some Conspiracy, Explained
Who is Nate Parker? Nate Parker is an actor, director, writer, and producer who’s been in over a dozen movies, including Red Tails, The Great Debaters, Beyond the Lights, and The Secret Life of Bees. Interestingly enough, the 36-year-old Parker, who was an All-American wrestler in college, can trace his acting career to an especially fortuitous…
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The POTUS Nighttime Playlist Proves President Obama Saved All Of His Remaining Fucks For The Bedroom
“We’ve kinda suspected it before, but President Obama genuinely gives no fucks at this point. He is fuck devoid. Fuck deficient. Fuck deprived. Fuck destitute. His cupboard of fucks is barren; his tank of fucks has been depleted. You know how, on cloudy nights, you might look up into the vast and endless sky and not find any…
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From Mike Brown To Simone Biles: How Yesterday Exemplified Black America’s Complicated Relationship With America
“Complicated” has become a convenient catch-all to describe romantic relationships that seem to defy explanation. So much so that “it’s complicated” has become a popular way to synopsize them completely; distilling months, even years of context down to two words. It’s also frequently misused, as many — and perhaps even most — of the relationships…
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Things I'm Just Too Damn Old To Give Any Fucks About Anymore, Ranked
10. Taking pictures At this point, I wouldn’t terribly mind if people wanting to take pictures of me just photoshopped a default picture of me in front of wherever they wanted to take the picture of me. 9. Removing shells from shrimp before I eat them Just takes too much effort, and wastes time that…
