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Random People, Places, And Things I've Definitely Called A "Nigga" Before, Ranked
20. Barbara Bush, after seeing a recent picture of her “I had no idea that nigga was still alive. Wow. The Bush family breeds vampires.” 19. An almost stale piece of cantaloupe “I hate it when these niggas ruin the fruit salad, man.” 18. My left arm, which is really hurting right now because I’m…
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Locker Room Talk (And Why "Grab Them By The Pussy" Doesn't Qualify), Explained
After being roundly criticized for leaked footage that revealed him bragging about grabbing anonymous women “by the pussy,” Donald Trump kinda, sorta apologized for it. But then dismissed it as typical “locker room talk.” What exactly is this “locker room talk?” Locker room talk refers to unfiltered conversations men sometimes have with each other in locker…
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Why There's Literally Nothing Donald Trump Can Do Or Say To Lose His Support, Explained
Who is Donald Trump? Donald Trump is a stenchy Cheeto-stuffed condom expelled from a Gila monster’s rectum and repurposed as pinata stuffing. He’s also running for President. Oh yeah. You’ve mentioned him before. Why is he in the news today? In less than a 12-hour span, he’s doubled down on his claim that the Central Park…
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An Ode To The Realest And "Wokest" White Dude Ever: The White Barber At The Black Barbershop
Finding a truly and thoroughly “woke” White guy is like finding an albino alligator. Or a Kappa with dignity and tact. They’re so rare and so elusive that the search for them often ends up propping up pretenders and a few contenders who are trying waaaaaaaay too hard and end up actually being “overwoke” like they’re freebasing espresso.…
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Five Thoughts About Netflix's Luke Cage From Someone Who Never Heard Of Luke Cage Until Netflix
Like many others, I’ve been watching Luke Cage on Netflix. Unlike many others, I’ve never read a comic book before in my life. (My idea of fun reading as a kid was The Godfather, USA Today, and Basketball Digest. Which, well…which actually explains a lot.) So I’d never heard of Luke Cage until a few months ago when…
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Support Birth Of A Nation Or Not, But Just Know That Nate Parker Is Probably Peak Fuckboy
I have never seen anything like what’s happening with Nate Parker right now. Of course, I’ve seen prominent public figures suspected and/or accused of wrongdoing do the apology tour thing. And I’ve also seen many of these types of figures eschew the tour thing, either because they were advised to by their lawyers/publicists/management — who figured,…
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On Slowly But Surely Accepting The Fact That President Obama Kinda Sucks When Talking To And About Black People
A few months ago, I was asked to contribute to The Meaning of Michelle — a collection of essays about Michelle Obama’s influence and legacy. My chapter (“Crushing on Michelle: Or the Unapologetic Power of Blackness”) makes a reference to the psychic impact the Obama family’s presence has had on Black America, and how our collective cathartic…
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I Use Exclamation Points In Emails With Women. I Do Not Do This With Men. Is This Sexist?
As is the case with many others who write for a living, I don’t have a very traditional work day. I work roughly 16 hours a day. But I’m not working for 16 hours straight. I’m just in “work mode” — where if I’m compelled to write/edit something, I do — from 9am to around 1am.…
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How Being Ashy In Public Is Actually Underrated, Explained
Public Ashiness might be the only thing in the Black community with a 0% approval rating. Even cottage cheese has fans, even Donald Trump has Omarosa, and even Kappas have mirrors. It’s the bane of Black existence; a plague we collectively wish to be eradicated. I’m actually shocked we haven’t had any “End Ash Forever”…
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Yeah, Usher…Ummm…Maybe That Wasn't The Best Sweatshirt Slogan Choice
***A conversation with Usher and his team of advisers and close friends from last weekend*** Usher: “I really want to make a statement about the importance of voting; one that resonates and connects with people!” Person One: “That’s great that you’re making a political statement! It’s definitely necessary, and with someone with your platform and influence, it’ll…” Usher:…
