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10 Possible Places Trump Found The Random Group Of Niggas With Him During His Black History Month Press Conference
1. The Random Group Of Niggas Store — a store which specializes in providing random groups of niggas for people who require random groups of niggas for various purposes 2. The break room of a Sage Steele fan club membership committee meeting 3. A lottery choosing numbers 17 through 31 on the posters in every…
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This Elementary School Teacher With A Different Dap For Each Student Is The Blackest Thing I've Ever Seen Today
Four thoughts about Barry White Jr. — a fifth grade literary teacher at Charlotte’s Ashley Park Elementary School who has a different dap for every student in each of his three classes. 1. I have not been to the Blacksonian yet. So someone who has been there should tell me if there’s a wing there specifically…
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I've Spent All Morning Trying To Find The Lie In Lebron's Charles Barkley Clapback
For the past several years, Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen drive-thru window with sentience Charley Barkley has been pretty vocal and consistent with his criticism of Lebron James, questioning everything from his competitive spirit, his heart, his decision-making, and his friends. Admittedly, he usually prefaces this criticism with an acknowledgement of James’s talent and an articulation of…
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Mahershala Ali's SAG Award Acceptance Speech Is The Blackest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
While y’all’s cousin Sage Steele was on Instagram lamenting that the airport protesters might cause some people to be a little late for their flights — ultimately reminding us all to never trust a Black person named after a spice — Mahershala Ali took his SAG award acceptance speech as an opportunity to provide the…
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Dear White People Who Write Things: People Who Voted For A Blatant Racist Are Fine With Racism (This Is Not Hard)
I’m going to keep this short, because I’ve written about this before. Twice actually in the past three months. Plus I’m in D.C. for the next day and it’s 5pm on a Friday and I’m going to find some drinks and some wings and some Black people soon. Mostly though I hoped that maybe by now…
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Black Man Killed By Pittsburgh Police For "Owning A Home While Black"
I initially planned on writing something Monday about the death of Christopher Thompkins — a Pittsburgh man who was shot and killed by the police Sunday after a burglar entered his home — but hesitated because I wanted to get more facts about the case first. This hesitation was undoubtedly due to two factors: 1. A statement…
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America Is A Big-Ass Alternative Fact
The first time I lied on my dick was the summer between 5th and 6th grade, when realizing that lying about the dispossession of my virginity to impress veteran non-virgins and fellow rising sixth graders (and, more than likely, fellow liars) Aaron Ray and Anthony Allen was much easier than finding a willing partner to attempt to have sex…
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The Difference Between Bougie, Boujee, and Bourgie/Bourgeois, Explained
Really? You’re going to devote an entire explainer to a pedantic semantic distinction only like 27 people care about? Yes. I am going to do exactly that. Why? Because it’s fun! Like, you know how you might see a flyer advertising a concert Jaheim is holding in a Arby’s parking lot next weekend — the…
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Is There Any Circumstance Where It's Cool For A Black Person To Entertain President Trump?
In the couple months since Donald Trump was elected President, he has met with quite a few Black people. (Maybe as many as four.) Most recently, he shared an audience with Steve Harvey, and they presumably traded notes on Chicago, tailoring, KFC, wife retention, enunciation, homespun fuckshit, and denture flavors. Naturally, news of Harvey meeting with…
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America Didn’t Deserve Michelle Obama
I forgot exactly where we were in Pittsburgh. Maybe driving from the Target in East Liberty to the YMCA in the Mexican War Streets. Or, perhaps, at my wife’s grandmother’s house in the Hill District, eating smothered turkey burgers with smoked kale greens and washing them down with Pineapple Faygo. But I do remember who…
