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America's Love Affair With Immoral And Mediocre-Ass White Men Will Be Its Downfall
If we are to believe Bill Maher — and, for the record, I don’t — booking pig anus found in the bottom of a package of chitlins with sentience Milo Yiannopoulos was an elaborate bit of subterfuge intended to shine a light on how repugnant Yiannopoulos’s views and actions are. From Dave Itzkoff’s interview with Maher in…
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Hi Everyone. I Had An Aortic Aneurysm Last Weekend, Which Is As Deadly And Fucking Scary As It Sounds
If you would have been on Centre Avenue in Pittsburgh this past Sunday afternoon at approximately 5pm, and just so happened to be on the stretch of Centre that runs from UPMC Shadyside to Patron Mexican Grill on the corner of Centre and Highland, you might have seen me driving past. And if you saw me,…
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I Don't Want The Obamas To Ever Come Back
It’s been a little over eight years since the night Barack Obama was elected President of the United States, and the memory of exactly how I saw it happen (on CNN, where the race was called as soon as California’s first polling results came in), where I was when seeing it (sitting on the couch…
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Lemonade Didn't Win Album Of The Year Because White People Don't Know How To Not Be White People
I chose not to watch the Grammys last night. Not because of any type of protest or performative apathy, but because my wife had a work-ish commitment that left me with my daughter all weekend, and it’s impossible to get any writing done when the Feminist Octopus is around. Sunday evening from 8pm to 2am…
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"Black People Would Be Wealthy If We Stopped Buying Jordans And Weave" Has Always Been And Will Always Be Bullshit
Whenever a large group of Black people happen to come together — and this could be on Facebook, at a BBQ, during a happy hour, or perhaps even while teaching a Kappa how to throw a football — conversations about economic empowerment are not particularly uncommon. They don’t always happen — sometimes you just want…
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The Problem With What George Lopez Did, Explained (In Less Than 300 Words Too!)
300 words? Really? You think you can do this? Not if you keep asking stupid questions. Touche. So, why is George Lopez in the news today? During a recent show in Phoenix, Lopez joked “There’s still two rules in the fucking Latino family. Don’t marry somebody black, and don’t park in front of our house.” This…
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Devin McCourty And Martellus Bennett Just Issued A Challenge To Every Black Member Of The New England Patriots
Have you ever been to a birthday party or something in a banquet hall? And the event is winding down and the hosts actually start cleaning up — nothing major, just putting tables/dishes/chairs away, taking down decorations, and collecting garbage — but most of the guests are still there? And a couple of the guests join…
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2017 Has Basically Been The Empire Strikes Back (With MAGA And Mayonnaise), But Here's Some Shit To Look Forward To
Apparently unsatisfied with the 500-year-long winning streak White America is on, God decided to allow king-sized pack of Spearmint Chewing Gum with sentience Tom Brady and Darth Belichick (and their bottomless supply of impressive and indistinguishable “first picks in a Stormfront fantasy football league”-ass wide receivers) to pull a Super Bowl victory out of their asses,…
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I'm Officially "I Fucked Up My Back By Either Sitting, Driving, Or Masturbating" Years Old, And This Makes Me Sad
I began this week in the doctor’s office, due to an issue completely unrelated to the one mentioned in the title. I won’t go into detail about exactly what the issue was, but just know that it was enough for me to spend quite a bit of time over the last month on WedMD and Wikipedia, where…
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Beyonce Announces Pregnancy With The Most Beautiful Sears Portrait Studio Picture Ever
Apparently unsatisfied with Darth Cheeto’s words today on Frederick Douglass (???), Beyonce decided to put the whole entire Black History Month in formation by revealing that she’s pregnant with twins. This, of course, is great news. For the Carters. For the culture. For Black love. And for Beyonce, who’ll now be able to add “I can’t…
