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I’m a Grown Man, but I Still Don’t Cuss in Front of My Dad
I remember the first time it happened. I was in sixth grade. It was my second week at St. Barts, a private Catholic school in Penn Hills, a suburb of Pittsburgh. My parents took me out of the city schools and sent me there because of its academic record and its athletic reputation. Actually, that’s…
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Fresh Prince Characters Other Than Will, Ranked, From Least To Most Important
7. Little Nicky Like The Godfather III, my early aughts affinity for Von Dutch, and the entire state of Delaware, it’s better for everyone to just act as if Little Nicky never actually existed. 6. Ashley As an adult, I’ve come to realize that Ashley was much, much, much more important to me — a…
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How to Protect Yourself From the Flood of White Tears That’ll Come if the Panthers Win the Super Bowl
In the book of Genesis, God—apparently fed up with humans for acting like … humans—decided to start humanity from scratch by flooding the entire earth. Which proves, again, that God is truly the alpha and the omega of everything. Including being petty. Humanity eventually recovered from this flood—thanks in large part to Noah, who was…
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Why Is Every Black Church Pastor Also Good At Singing? A Black History Month Mystery
Recently, the Wife Person and I have started attending a new church. Actually, “started attending” is a misnomer. We’ve been there exactly twice — once because of an invitation from friends, and once a couple of weeks after that — which is exactly twice more than we’ve been to our home church in the last six months. Our attendance…
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4 Theories on Why Kanye Is Still So Obsessed With Amber Rose
Wednesday afternoon, Kanye West went Peak Kanye with his hourlong rant of consciousness directed at Wiz Khalifa, where he insulted Khalifa’s music and his status as a rapper while also giving Khalifa what seemed to be genuinely sincere compliments. Kanye West is a weird duck. Unfortunately, Kanye didn’t stop there, as he felt the need…
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Quiz: Exactly How Hotep Are You?
Earlier today, B.o.B. submitted a first-ballot entry into the Hotep Hall-of-Fame with a diss track directed towards Neil Degrasse Tyson where the Atlanta “rapper” doubled down on his assertion that the world is, in fact, flat and not round. (And yes, this means he also believes Earth has an actual edge. Like a cliff. And you…
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Why Macklemore’s ‘White Privilege II’ Still Misses the Mark, Explained
Who is Macklemore? Have you ever been to Whole Foods on a Saturday afternoon, when it’s giving out free samples? And there’s this superfit and ultra-earnest bearded man passing out surprisingly tasty and unfathomably expensive vegan-chorizo hash? Macklemore is that guy, if that guy were also a rapper. But isn’t Macklemore very popular? A quick…
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Her Name Was Janese Talton-Jackson and She Was Killed Because She Said No
I did not know Janese Talton-Jackson on a personal level. There’s a chance I might have seen her before. And a lesser chance I might have spoken to her. But if I did either, I don’t remember. But after news of her death began to circulate on Facebook on Friday afternoon, and more and more…
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Why Is Stacey Dash So Damn Stupid? An Investigation
On Wednesday, life-size human Bratz doll Stacey Dash found her way to a television studio. Flabbergasted that a human Bratz would have the wherewithal and agency to walk into a television studio, the people at the studio began filming her, hoping, perhaps, to capture a miracle. And then, while being filmed, she opened her mouth. And…
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How to Fix Will Smith’s Career
I know, I know, I know. You don’t have to say anything. I realize that writing a piece about “fixing” Will Smith’s career implies that there’s something wrong with Will Smith’s career. And I also realize how ridiculous it is to imply that anything is wrong with Will Smith’s career. I cannot think of anyone—no,…
