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"Black People Would Be Wealthy If We Stopped Buying Jordans And Weave" Has Always Been And Will Always Be Bullshit
Whenever a large group of Black people happen to come together — and this could be on Facebook, at a BBQ, during a happy hour, or perhaps even while teaching a Kappa how to throw a football — conversations about economic empowerment are not particularly uncommon. They don’t always happen — sometimes you just want…
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Beyonce Announces Pregnancy With The Most Beautiful Sears Portrait Studio Picture Ever
Apparently unsatisfied with Darth Cheeto’s words today on Frederick Douglass (???), Beyonce decided to put the whole entire Black History Month in formation by revealing that she’s pregnant with twins. This, of course, is great news. For the Carters. For the culture. For Black love. And for Beyonce, who’ll now be able to add “I can’t…
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10 Possible Places Trump Found The Random Group Of Niggas With Him During His Black History Month Press Conference
1. The Random Group Of Niggas Store — a store which specializes in providing random groups of niggas for people who require random groups of niggas for various purposes 2. The break room of a Sage Steele fan club membership committee meeting 3. A lottery choosing numbers 17 through 31 on the posters in every…
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I've Spent All Morning Trying To Find The Lie In Lebron's Charles Barkley Clapback
For the past several years, Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen drive-thru window with sentience Charley Barkley has been pretty vocal and consistent with his criticism of Lebron James, questioning everything from his competitive spirit, his heart, his decision-making, and his friends. Admittedly, he usually prefaces this criticism with an acknowledgement of James’s talent and an articulation of…
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Mahershala Ali's SAG Award Acceptance Speech Is The Blackest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
While y’all’s cousin Sage Steele was on Instagram lamenting that the airport protesters might cause some people to be a little late for their flights — ultimately reminding us all to never trust a Black person named after a spice — Mahershala Ali took his SAG award acceptance speech as an opportunity to provide the…
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America Is A Big-Ass Alternative Fact
The first time I lied on my dick was the summer between 5th and 6th grade, when realizing that lying about the dispossession of my virginity to impress veteran non-virgins and fellow rising sixth graders (and, more than likely, fellow liars) Aaron Ray and Anthony Allen was much easier than finding a willing partner to attempt to have sex…
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The Difference Between Bougie, Boujee, and Bourgie/Bourgeois, Explained
Really? You’re going to devote an entire explainer to a pedantic semantic distinction only like 27 people care about? Yes. I am going to do exactly that. Why? Because it’s fun! Like, you know how you might see a flyer advertising a concert Jaheim is holding in a Arby’s parking lot next weekend — the…
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America Didn’t Deserve Michelle Obama
I forgot exactly where we were in Pittsburgh. Maybe driving from the Target in East Liberty to the YMCA in the Mexican War Streets. Or, perhaps, at my wife’s grandmother’s house in the Hill District, eating smothered turkey burgers with smoked kale greens and washing them down with Pineapple Faygo. But I do remember who…
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Why Thirsty White Women Like Leah McSweeney Are A Menace To Society, Explained
Who is Leah McSweeney? Leah McSweeney is apparently a person who exists on Earth. I assume she possesses functional limbs, a measure of sentience, and perhaps even a social security number, but I could be wrong. Why is she in the news today? During an episode of her Improper Etiquette podcast, McSweeney accused Michael Che of…
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This Embrace Between Brian Tyree Henry and Keith Stanfield Is The Blackest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
Between Moonlight’s win and Tracee Ellis Ross going Peak Tracee Ellis Ross with her win and her speech and her joy and her dress (and her dress and her dress and her dress) and Issa Rae not winning (yet) but reminding us that we probably should get used to seeing her at these types of…
