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High School Reunions Are the Unseasoned and Undercooked Chicken Breast of Social Gatherings
Last weekend, I attended my 20th high school reunion. This was the first reunion of any sort—high school or college—that I had any interest in going to. And not because high school and/or college were particularly difficult times for me. I had as much fun in school as an introverted eggheaded nigga with the Western…
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Mike Pence Would Not Be Worse Than Trump Because No One, God Included, Gives a Shit About Mike Pence
It’s been a relatively slow week for rapey vat of curdled Cheez Whiz Donald Trump and his cadre of paint thinner-dipped sociopathic marionettes. Perhaps it’s because he’s currently on his 27th vacation of the last three months, and there’s no dry snitches left to fire for outing cocksucking contortionists to the New Yorker. But don’t…
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Of All the Reasons to Boycott the Trash-Ass NFL, Colin Kaepernick Not Getting Signed Is Waaay Down the List
In the time since I began writing this, Jay Cutler could’ve broken his right ring finger after punching a bag of Hot Cheetos for just being moderately warm instead of “Flamin’,” and the Dolphins, in need of another quarterback, could reach out to Colin Kaepernick. But for now he remains unsigned, and the only logical…
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Moving Day
Hi everyone. Going forward, all new VSB content will be at verysmartbrothas.theroot.com. Please go over there and sign up for Kinja (if you haven’t already) with the same name as your Disqus account, and I’ll add you. There’s a live piece up about Insecure, so leave your comments there. If you have any questions, leave…
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The Levels of Wrong in Lawrence Attending Tasha’s Family Cookout, Ranked From Least to Most Wrong
Makes the list because I’ve never seen that before. And I’m 92 percent certain that shit has never happened before. But it’s only the eighth most wrong thing because I’m definitely intrigued as fuck by it now. And might even incorporate a flute twerk-off at my next game night. I get that Lawrence might have…
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I’m a Grown-Ass Man and I’m Scared to Death of NYC Subways, and I Don’t Give a Shit How You Feel About That
It wasn’t until my fifth or sixth time in New York City as an adult that I realized why it always felt 10 degrees hotter than the actual temperature in the summer and 10 degrees colder than the actual temperature in the winter. (A New York City 80 degrees feels like 90, and 20 degrees…
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The World's 10 Greatest Enunciating-Ass Negroes, Ranked
10. Pusha T No one has ever made crack speak so crisp. You listen to him say “Arm & Hammer and a Mason jar, that’s my dinner date” and you want to diagram a sentence. 9. Tika Sumpter Perhaps the world’s most underrated enunciator. She’s the Paul Millsap of enunciation. 8. Phylicia Rashad I heard…
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Procter & Gamble Release an Ad About ‘the Talk,’ and White People Respond With the Wettest, Saltiest, Stupidest White Tears Ever
The talk is literally a talk many black parents have with their children to inform them of the dangers of “existing while black” and the myriad things out there actively trying to kill us. Well, those. And racism. And the police. And America. And Darth Beckys, Darth Susans and Darth Chads. And mysterious casseroles left…
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Defending And Excusing Problematic Black Men Aint Love, It's Low Expectations
There’s a virulent strain of criticism that exists both on the Internet and offline; surfacing whenever a prominent and problematic Black male is called on his fuckshit by other Black people — Black women specifically. Someone says “Hey, what that person did was fucked up.” And then someone accuses the Black person making the critique of being anti-Black…
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Five Perfectly Logical And Understandable Reasons Why Kyrie Irving Would Want Out Of Cleveland
Perhaps you might have heard that Kyrie Irving asked to be traded from the Cleveland Cavaliers. And that he apparently made this request as early as last year, soon after the Cavs won the championship. And that the Cavs were already attempting to trade him this summer, and that this is part of the reason why…
