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White People Need to Be Better People
The vast—the overwhelming—majority of white people living in a state in the United States of America in 2017 voted Tuesday for an alleged serial pedophile; a sentient cauldron of microwaved racist lettuce who said, out of his own wretched mouth, that every amendment after the 10th wrecked “the form of government that our forefathers intended”;…
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A Viral Story About a Bullied White Boy and His Probably Racist, ‘MAGA’ Scamming Mom Is the Perfect Way to End 2017
Last week, Panama Jackson asked which Bad Boy song was the most quintessentially Bad Boy. Not the best or most important song from that label and that era, but the one that best encapsulated Bad Boy’s general ethos and spirit. I disagreed with his top choice (he chose “Mo Money, Mo Problems”—I would have chosen…
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The Video of the Man Saving the Rabbit From the Fire Captures Everything Wrong With Whiteness in 30 Seconds
I’m not sure it’s possible to create a viral video better than the one of the California man jumping out of his car to save a bunny rabbit from the raging wildfires. It feels too saccharine—too perfect—to even be scripted, as it contains every element necessary for social media sharing and bouts of spontaneous verklempt.…
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Forget About Colin Kaepernick; I Think I’m Done With the NFL Just Because I Don’t Want to Watch Someone Die
In eighth grade, I was a starting wideout and cornerback for my middle school football team, the St. Bartholomew Bruins. Our team that year went undefeated and won the Pittsburgh Diocese, and our only close game that season came during the championship, which we won on a last-second touchdown caught by yours truly—a catch that…
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Is It Safe Yet to Admit How Shocked I Am That There Are Actual Black People Who Had No Idea Meghan Markle Is (Partially) Black?
Forget about everything else. And by “everything else” I mean the conversations about what Meghan Markle’s engagement to Prince Harry means. And the conversations about what “means” means. And the conversations about whether Markle qualifies as black. And the conversations about whether that’s her choice to make. And the conversations about whether we should feel…
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The 20 Blackest Moments From Sharon Reed’s Clapback Heard Round the World
1. At the 0:09 mark, Sharon Reed says there’s some “confusion behind the scenes.” Which is a lie in the same black-ass vein as someone beginning a sentence with “It’s just funny that … ” when what’s about to follow isn’t funny at all. This is professional Negro judo. “Sharon Reed” is Swahili for “Pai…
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Dear 24- to 45-Year-Old White People Who Live in Urban Spaces: Why Don’t You Put Curtains and Blinds on Your Windows?
A house in my neighborhood was recently purchased by a man who looks to be in his early to mid-30s. I haven’t met him yet. But after being his neighbor for a month, I already know about the size, make and model of the TV in his living room; his affinity for wearing robes during…
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Roy Moore Invited to Speak at Black Church and Those Negroes Ought to Be Ashamed of Themselves
Monday night, before going to bed, I read that the Republican National Committee was reconsidering its endorsement of alleged serial pedophile Roy Moore. And by “was reconsidering its endorsement of,” I mean, “LOLOLOLOLOLOL YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT THOSE CRAVEN, DIAPER-SNIFFING JACKWADS WEREN’T GOING TO ENDORSE HIM???” None of this, for anyone with even a passing knowledge…
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Snitches, Ranked
10. Cypher (The Matrix) 9. Darth Susan from accounting 8. Kobe Bryant 7. Frank Lucas (American Gangster and real life) 6. Salvatore “Big Pussy” Bonpensiero (The Sopranos) 5. Michael Flynn 4. Henry Hill (Goodfellas and real life) 3. Pookie (New Jack City) 2. Salvatore “Sammy the Bull” Gravano 1. Judas
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The Problem(s) With Joyner Lucas’ ‘I’m Not Racist,’ Explained
Joyner Lucas is an American rapper from Worcester, Massachusetts currently signed to Atlantic Records. He garnered widespread exposure and critical praise after the release of his single “Ross Capicchioni” in 2015. In 2017, he released his fourth mixtape (and first on a major label), 508-507-2209. Joyner gained national attention when he appeared on the 2015…
