-
The NBA Finals Are Just a Contest to See Who Wins the Chance to Refuse Trump’s White House Invitation
Perhaps if the Boston Celtics had beaten the Cleveland Cavs or if the Houston Rockets hadn’t morphed into rancid Twizzlers in the second half Monday night, we’d have a more competitive NBA Finals ahead of us. I don’t believe the Celtics could have beaten the Golden State Warriors, but they have enough long, bouncy and…
-
Roseanne Barr Is a White Woman [Updated]
My capacity for being surprised by white people acting white is shrinking at an exponential rate. It was never a generous amount, but what was already small is getting even smaller. That said, I was somewhat surprised by the amount of surprise so many (white) people seemed to possess when they discovered within the last…
-
The NFL Is an Internet Troll
I did not realize it was Memorial Day weekend until two hours ago, when the server at the restaurant where I ate breakfast asked if I had any holiday plans. “Oh yeah,” I thought to myself, while finishing the last strip of bacon and bite of egg (fried over hard) on my plate. “I guess…
-
A List of Things Much Better (and Safer!) Than Water to Throw at Stupid, Silly, Dangerous Racists
Someone threw some water at sentient box of racist baking soda Tomi Lahren, and the question of whether it was a justifiable act is now apparently such a thing that our loose-bootied-ass president even saw fit to weigh in. Personally, I believe it was an inappropriate act. Although Toenail Laryngitis is a hateful and ghoulish…
-
Things I Learned Yesterday After Being Stuck in an Airport for 10 Hours Because of a Flight Delay
I’m writing this from a hotel room in Washington, D.C. I’m here for a Q&A and book signing with Franchesca Ramsey Wednesday evening, and I’ll also be on Al-Jazeera’s The Stream Wednesday afternoon. Because my day is so busy, I wanted to get here early just so I’d be settled and ready, and my flight…
-
Do White People Go to Chuck E. Cheese’s?
As the father of a baby person—and also the uncle of some baby people—I’ve spent a disproportionate amount of time (for an adult) at Chuck E. Cheese’s in the past three years. Birthday parties, potty-train parties, random Saturdays when you’re babysitting your nephew and don’t have shit else to do—I’ve been there enough to consider…
-
The Full Story of the White Woman Arrested for Petting a Black Woman’s Dog Is Even Wilder (and Whiter) Than You Think
As I noted yesterday, Becky With the Bold Hands went through the entire gamut of aggrieved white weaponry when she was detained by police officers for attempting to pet a black woman’s dog without permission. Tears, kicks, threats, panic attacks smoothly transitioning into lucid vulgarities—it was like watching Beatrix Kiddo at the House of Blue…
-
8 Things You Need to Know if You’re Invited to a Wedding This Summer
If you cannot afford to give money, your presence is all that counts. And if you can’t afford to give money, but you do crochet and shit, crochet some shit for them. Crochet your happy, crocheting ass off. But if you do have money, give money. Because weddings are damn expensive. And unless they’re in…
-
Becky With the Bold Hands: White Woman Arrested for Attempting to Pet Black Woman’s Dog Without Permission
On the list of “Headlines I’ve always wished to write but assumed I’d never have the chance to,” “White Person Arrested for Petting a Black Person’s Dog Without Permission” might actually be No. 1, narrowly beating “Zimmerman Stampeded in Pamplona; Remains Yet to Be Found” and “Reparations Approved by Congress on One Condition: Deport R.…
-
Is It Safe to Admit I’m Just Happy It’s the White Side of Meghan Markle’s Family Acting a Damn Fool?
The royal wedding is happening at some point this week. I haven’t been following the news blow by blow, but I know enough to know the main characters. Meghan Markle (who I enjoyed on Suits) is marrying Prince Harry (who is a prince). They look nice together in pictures, like the cover models for a…
